Hello I’m new to the forum and I’m just looking for any tips to help me with being a caregiver for mom and sometimes my dad. My mom has had two strokes and has diabetes and memory problems and vein problems. I spend most of the day trying to help her get around not to mention she has had foot surgery due to ulcers at the bottom of her feet. I find it hard and sometimes overwhelming to assist her given all the issues she has and I know during this period of covid I can’t have people in my house and she would refuse to have a nurse help her with daily activities or make a excuse about how it cost to much. Also to mention she having vision problems due to havIng strokes. So I’m hoping if there’s anyone out there that’s had or having the same problems I’m dealing with being a caregiver and how they handled things cause I’m only one person and sometimes I just feel that I can’t meet all things she needs or what my dad needs! They both have issues walking and use walkers but sometimes he falls down by accident so if you can give me some tips to help me cope with the situations I would gladly appreciate it. Thank you
No, have to stop you there. You have to see what YOU need to do.
1. Job. 2. Place of your own. 3. Health and wellbeing (you). 4. Everything else that is important to you.
Read this sentence aloud: I can't earn any money or have a life because my mother needs me and only me to help her mobilise to the bathroom.
If anyone else said that, would you nod in agreement that it all sounds quite sensible? "Oh well, there it is then. You're screwed, but as long as your mother's happy..."
You have to earn your keep. You need also not to lose your mind. And you must prioritise your health, which means not becoming a full-time aide in a domestic environment with carpets on the floors and no proper lifting or moving equipment. As long as overworking you means that your parents don't have to accept outside help or consider moving, they won't budge an inch - why should they? - they're very comfy, thank you. But you are not their best solution, not trained to meet their needs, not qualified to recognise important developments, and above all lacking the 4-6 hands required to do the work.
How do I suggest you tell your mother all this...
For someone who feels as duty-bound as you do, and possibly FOG-bound too but never mind that for now, it is a difficult conversation to begin. But remember: you are telling, not asking. So first get your plans down on paper/in the calendar, accept/organise whatever support services are available, then tell your parents what the schedule is, head down, go for it.
I agree, Mom and Dad need to go to an AL or LTC. Things are going to get worse.
Your mom and dad both need to be placed in the appropriate facilities, where they will receive the care they need 24/7 and you can get back to just being their advocate and child. Unless of course they can afford to pay for 24/7 in home help. If your mom is only 64 years old, that means that you are fairly young and need to be working and contributing to your own social security and savings, so you won't be left in a bind when you're older and needing to be cared for.
You can't continue to use "Covid" as an excuse as that is here to stay. It's not going anywhere, and will eventually just be like our typical flu season.
So quit making excuses and letting your parents make excuses and start making the necessary changes, so you can get your life back on track, and your parents can receive the 24/7 care they need.
Your mother is 64? You are living in her and your father's house? You are recovering, almost recovered, from a back injury and you've put your job search on hold?
Then there's this: "I find it hard and sometimes overwhelming to assist her given all the issues she has." Given all the issues, yes, but also given that there is only one of you and just the standard 24 hours in the day, and that's not including your father's needs.
Covid and tight-fistedness do not amount to a valid reason for your giving up your health and your prospects to provide your mother with support that isn't going to meet her and your father's full needs anyway. Draw a line in the sand *now* because otherwise a year or two down the line your back will be broken, your job prospects will be set back far more, you'll be struggling to cope and you'll be in even less of a position to create a workable plan.
Has anyone done a proper, comprehensive assessment of your parents' care and support needs? How about that as a first step?