Follow
Share
Read More
Happy Birthday Lealonnie!
All that firework noise tonight, and the rockets red glare is to celebrate that you are free from cancer and still alive, and are still with us. 🇺🇸🎆🎇

That's all we got at this time, and will continue our prayers for complete healing.

God Bless you Lealonnie and the U.S.A.!
(5)
Report

Happy, Happy Birthday!

Have a really big bite of that Stone Cold for ussssss!
(4)
Report

Happy birthday !!! I hope you got Cold Stone cake !! 🎂🎂🎉🎈
(4)
Report

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Lealonnie! Happy birthday to you!

Wishing you many more happy and healthy birthdays in the years to come.
(4)
Report

Lea,

You’re very welcome. You and Chuck have a special relationship. You’ve been through and survived many difficult challenges. I don’t think either of you take the other for granted.

All of us have struggled during stressful times. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. No one has a perfect marriage where nothing goes awry.

I’m glad that Chuck was helped by the counseling at Mayo Clinic. I’m sure that he will benefit from counseling again if he chooses to go.

Have a wonderful birthday 🎂! Enjoy your cake! Hug and kiss your precious grand baby. It’s absolutely a beautiful day to celebrate.

Sending a bazillion birthday wishes and hugs your way today!
(6)
Report

Happy birthday and may you have many more!!!
(5)
Report

I will say it HERE, I will say it THERE, and I will say it EVERYWHERE. Lea, Happy Birthday. I wish you a very, very Happy Birthday. Hugs, woman!
(4)
Report

Happy Birthday, Lea!!!!! Enjoy the day and relish the cake!!!!
(6)
Report

A very Happy Birthday, Lea. Wishing you all you wish for yourself!🎈🎉💃✨💖
(6)
Report

Happy Birthday Lea. 🍰🎂
(4)
Report

Yes Hope, today is my 66th birthday, thank you! 😁

Nhwm, thank you. Chuck knew he went too far and genuinely felt an apology was in order, as it was. I was prepared to tell him to go stay at his sons house if he didn't......I was planning how to be self sufficient on my own. I will speak to him about counseling and it's up to HIM if he wants it, as you said. He was receptive to it at the Mayo when his kids were acting out and causing chaos and I suggested he speak to their psychologist. He agreed and got some good advice.

My son DIL and grandson came over yesterday with a huge vase of flowers for me, so that was nice. DD is coming by later on her way to Red Rocks amphitheater to say Happy birthday hopefully with a Cold Stone cake! Ha!

All in all, I'm grateful to see 66 which was touch and go there for a while 😎
(11)
Report

Hi Lea, Is today your birthday? I seem to remember reading in one of your prior messages that your b'day is July 3rd, but I couldn't locate the message now, so I hope I'm correct! :)

If so, HAPPY. HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY!!!!

Wishing you a truly Fantastic Birthday - filled with the Very Best Year Ever - filled with Great Health - Full Healing - Tons of Happiness - and Lots of Love!! I hope this year brings you continued strength, peace, and for you to feel renewed in every way and living your very best life!

And, if by chance, if this isn't your birthday...then I wish this for you anyway!! lol! Hoping all of your wishes to come true!!
- sending love!
xo
(4)
Report

Lea,

You’re wise to know that Chuck has to want therapy for himself in order for it to be helpful.

If a person isn’t willing to be in therapy with the proper frame of mind or they simply aren’t ready to receive help, then it’s a complete waste of time.

Of course, he’s struggling. He wouldn’t have human emotions if he didn’t feel anything.

When my MIL was dealing with her non Hodgkin’s lymphoma, she knew that she needed help for her anxiety. She also knew that her husband needed help and asked him to go with her. She would not have asked her sons to speak to him about speaking with a therapist because he wouldn’t have accepted that well. He would have been embarrassed if his sons approached him.

Men of his generation were quite different. He saw going to a therapist as a sign of weakness. I really didn’t think that he would go, but he did. I was impressed when he said to us, “Well, if a person has a broken arm they take care of it. I’m having trouble dealing with my emotions so it is not any different than treating a broken arm.”

If you feel that Chuck would benefit from therapy, then as his wife you could gently say something to him. Even though his way of telling you about your anxiety was wrong, he had your best interests at heart.

You may feel differently about this and if your mind is made up about not speaking to him about therapy, I understand and I respect your decision whichever it is. You know your husband better than any of us.

Anyway, I am glad that you and Chuck are on the same page now about your anxiety. I give him credit for apologizing. Some men never apologize and act as though they have done nothing wrong. That’s not Chuck. You wouldn’t be married to someone like that.
(4)
Report

Lea, I took Paxil in my twenties. It helped me tremendously.

I've been suffering with anxiety too lately for a number of reasons but hesitate to go on another anti depressant simply cause I've weaned myself off of so many that I just don't want to go down that road again.

But if it's helping you I'm so glad. You deserve to relax. If your body was feeling as tense as you say it must feel nice to relax those tight muscles and exhale.
(5)
Report

Bmark
(0)
Report

Cxmoody, I said the other day I didn't want to take the Paxil, didn't think it'd do a darn thing to help me, yada yada, but I was wrong. I should've spoken to the doctor a few weeks ago about getting on it, in hindsight.

Part of the problem with anxiety and depression is the ability to see the forest thru the trees. The anxiety prevents it. I KNEW I was struggling, just didn't realize the extent......same as what happened in 2000 when I needed Paxil last time. By the time I got on it, I was a wreck beyond belief. This time, not so bad but still bad enough. 🙄

So in hindsight, it was good that Chuck and DD got the ball rolling FOR me with the meds. It's just the way they went about it I disagree with. I would've asked for a prescription, I'm just not sure how long it would've taken me, especially believing it wouldn't help me this time, in my current situation.
(10)
Report

I’m glad to hear about the Paxil. That quick reaction your body has finally has come in handy.😀 So good that it’s helping with the startle and the anxiety. Gosh, cause those two are debilitating ENOUGH!

I also have a hubby that is more emotionally fragile than I am. When WE are struggling, it becomes extra challenging to deal with 🤨

Thanks for allowing us to come alongside you. It’s a privilege. 🙂
(10)
Report

Lea, that is FANTASTIC news about your unpredictable body's reaction to Paxil!
(6)
Report

I’m glad you have forgiven him. That is good. You convey how much you love him and he you from your eloquent posts. I guess he’s angry because he is powerless to help you. But he has to come to terms with that.

My prayers continue. Hope today is a good day for you both.
(5)
Report

PB.....,my cancer is "treatable" technically......its the treatment itself (immunotherapy) that is too dangerous to administer to me. We see how my body has reacted to it. It would be sheer insanity to try it again. Not a matter of firing my doc and hiring new ones......immunotherapy is the treatment for melanoma along w clinical trials, and again, my body is not equipped to handle these poisons.

I have forgiven Chuck. We all have our bad moments. I just don't appreciate using hateful tactics to hit me below the belt while I'm already at a very low point in my life. No, he doesn't have a counselor nor does he take meds. That's up to HIM to do on his OWN bc I won't stage some intervention on his behalf. Maybe I'll suggest DD do it now that she's run out of cures for me. Her next project du jour.

Sp, Chuck needs to feel heroic, like everything he does makes a big difference to others. He feels useless and helpless here, he's said, which is the worst thing he can feel. Thus leading to these meltdowns. He's also petrified of losing me and life w/o me. Which explains but doesn't excuse his stupid behavior. He has a bad temper which triggers at nothing, it seems. I can say 1 word off in his mind and WHAM, he's having a fit. Sure he can use counseling but HE has to seek it out and want it himself. I have enough going on as it is.

The better news in all this stupidity is I'm feeling less "startle reflex" and crippling anxiety in general with the Paxil I started on Fri. Yes, already. The palliative care team insisted it would take 2 weeks, I told them I have an IMMEDIATE reaction to drugs, so there you have it. I would have agreed to Paxil anyway, w/o an "intervention", bc suffering anxiety in addition to all the rest of this crap is no joke. I notice I hold my body at a totally tensed stance like 24/7, too. Tightened up and stiff. Who does That? Ugh. I have a long way to go to relax. Wednesday I go up 10mg on Paxil to 20.

Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it Ladies 😍
(13)
Report

Lea, His story is also told on, The Story of God Beyond Death with Morgan Freeman.
(2)
Report

Lea, I am so sorry Chuck lashed out at you.

There's no question in my mind that Chuck loves you very much. He has been standing by you and taking care of you throughout your cancer ordeal. That is very difficult for both you and him. The fact that Chuck apologized means he knows he was wrong. Please forgive him and let go of the hurt.

Each of us have our limit for tolerance and patience. Seems like Chuck has reached his. We here at AC forum can vent and get our stress and frustration off our chests, so we can keep coping. Does Chuck have an outlet where he can do that? A local support group or a counselor that he can talk to regularly?

On a different topic, I just finished listening to a short audio book about David Bennett who had a near death experience and then healed from a late stage cancer which got to his spine. What struck me was that his doctors gave up on him and told him only had a few weeks left. However, during his near death experience, he saw a review of his life AND a glimpse of his FUTURE life. He knew he would heal from cancer, so instead of listening to the doctors who said he got no chance, he fired them. He then found other doctors who believed his cancer was treatable and brought them on board. This reminded me of your doctor C. Does he still think you have no chance of healing? Or has he changed his mind? I think all your doctors should view your cancer as treatable or they should get off your health care team.

Wishing you a better day today. Love.
(6)
Report

Ive been thinking about this Lea and wonder why does Chuck keep having these melt downs? It's not the first time since you started your treatments.

Has he said what his problem is? Why he's acting out like this?

Sounds like he may need some therapy to deal with his feelings and fears so he stops lashing out at you. It's not your fault the treatments caused this.

If he wants a wife that pretends everything is OK even though it isn't then maybe he should consider moving to the town of Stepford. I hear the wives there are programmed to be happy 24/7.
(5)
Report

I wonder if you ever point out how you dealt last year with the liver transplant. I recall you expressing great stoicism. I am glad he at least was better today. I do read great fear being felt but it certainly is not helpful or warranted to behave this way. I imagine deep down he thinks he would be lost without you so he pushes suggestions which might make him feel stronger temporarily. A less devoted spouse might just detach or become ignorant.

I hope this dreadful experience eventually strengthens your devotion to each other which I believe and hope is still very much alive even if at times it seems hidden under clouds of desperation. Stay strong. Hoping for better reports.
(9)
Report

Thank's Lea. I was worried about that for you based on what you wrote below. Glad I was wrong.

Too bad he can't just accept where you are right now with these side effects. I guess he wants you to pretend you are OK so he doesn't have to try and fix things. It's hard to celebrate the cancer being gone when you are still suffering.

It still doesnt excuse the things he said to you. He doesnt get to purposefully hurt you because he's scared or upset.
(9)
Report

Lea, it's so true that certain people would rather see us as brave when we are suffering so they are off the hook if they tire of showing sympathy. I guess there's a time limit with compassion. My family is the same. There should have been a sign over my entranceway growing up that said "Don't confide in us cause you'll get no sympathy here" My mom was a kind woman but too busy bringing up seven kids on her own to really be there. But my siblings? Figetaboutit.

Sorry Chuck dug below the belt.
(8)
Report

Sp, I don't take painkillers except for 1 daily Tramadol as I've been doing for years now for chronic back pain. I have oxy and morphine from Dr C from the early days of horrible bone cancer pain......I've taken 4 total oxy and 2 total morphine since Jan. He's worried I'm going to take all of those at once....which is not my intent......and was referring to "Go ahead and take all of them, I don't care." Problem being he doesn't LISTEN.


He called me Joanne to hurt me, knowing that was the worst thing he could do. He doesn't like feeling helpless or useless or that I myself feel hopeless these days. Remember......victims have to lift OTHERS up while hiding their own suffering.
(10)
Report

Lea I may be off base here but it sounds like Chucks anger and lashing out came from being afraid you were overdoing pain killers and rather than say that he compared you to your mother and said other terrible things.

You are really in a tough spot because you got a second chance at life with the cancer being gone but the treatment took your entire life from you and left you with a pretty crappy new life.
(4)
Report

Yes, Lea, I agree - it's a very isolating feeling. It's been a sucker-punch of a life lesson for me that I never wanted to have.  I'm so sorry to hear how difficult yesterday was for you - you deserve so much better than that. 
- sending love and prayers for better days ~
xoxo
(4)
Report

Lea,

You have faced death and suffered through all of this.

You already knew what was important in life before you had cancer. Some people don’t know what is most important and ironically cancer became their ‘wake up’ call.

Going through these difficult times reinforces how we feel deep down despite our circumstances. I don’t think any of us were surprised by your compassion towards everyone else as you were struggling the hardest of everyone on a daily basis.

Please know that we love you very much! We are here to support you wherever you need us. I wish that we could help you in a bigger way than we have. You deserve to receive respect and love from everyone.
(6)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter