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Lea: Glad that the new hot water heater is installed. Sorry that Chuck's daughter acted poorly.
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Lea,

I am glad that you feel better. I hope that the worst is behind you!

You have a wedding bouquet to design! 😊 Your daughter will be a beautiful bride!
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The new hot water heater is installed! It took my stepson and Chuck under 3 hours including going to Home Depot to pick up the unit, getting the old 75 gal unit out of the house (the worst part), going back to HD for another part, and putting the moved decor back in place! And all for well under $1000 instead of $2300 which was the discounted price we were quoted by the city plumber doing side jobs.

RD, it truly is my stepdaughters loss, you're right. Cxmoody, it's a relief in a way NOT to have to think about her anymore. Poor Chuck has suffered enough thru the years.

Hope, I am feeling a bit better these days. I'm curious to see where I'm at with no steroids in me.
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Lea, I just read your comments about Chuck's daughter - she sounds very rigid and tough. The things she's holding a grudge about are so meaningless in the grand scheme of life - it's actually petty. It's disappointing that she''s like that, and it's really her loss.
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Lea and Need, so nice you can share this unique experience you both have and happy for the positives and sorry about Chuck's daughter. It is her loss.
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Hope,

Thank you for your kind words. I am blessed to be their mom. I can’t imagine my life without them.
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NHWM - wow, that is so wonderful that you had your second daughter after adopting your first - what a Blessing!!

They're surely blessed having you as their mom!! :)
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I’m so sorry about Chuck’s daughter. That just plain stinks.

Hugs to you both.
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Thanks, Hope

We have two daughters.

I became pregnant seven years after adopting our daughter.
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Lea and NHWM - just wanted to say Hi to you both...and Lea, hoping that you're feeling better each and every day!

NHWM - I've been following along this fascinating exchange between the two of you just now...and Wow, it's so interesting - and you're both such phenomenal moms - and have this fantastic bond with your daughters. That's very special :)
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Lea,

You’re right. She said that it is a lot to take in right now.
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Nhwm, it's THE most overwhelming feeling on earth, bar none. We're opening a Pandoras Box, literally, that can never be closed again. The fantasies we've harbored all these years are about to be shattered with the reality of whatever the true story was. It's terrifying.

Her birth mother can always say no thank you, that she'd prefer no contact. That's not for your DD to worry about.
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Thank you, Lea. My daughter is a bit overwhelmed right now. She was starting to feel like she would never find out who they were. Suddenly, she got a message saying, “Hey, I am your first cousin! Do you want to talk?”

You know that someone is going to go back to my daughter’s bio mom and tell her that they are in contact with her child that she didn’t tell them about! My daughter is concerned about how it will affect her bio mom.
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Nhwm, your post gave me goose bumps! How wonderful that a connection was made for your DD with her birth family! I'll be interested to hear how the story unfolds. Fingers crossed. I too look exactly like my birth mother and even have the same mannerisms.
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Lea,

Guess what? I just got off the phone with my daughter and she gave me an update on her 23andme status.

You know that we adopted our oldest daughter. Remember how I told you that back then it wasn’t legal to have an open adoption. Records were sealed.

The agency that we used does have a registry for adoptees and birth parents when the child turns 18. My daughter signed the registry but her birth parents didn’t.

Remember, I said that my daughter did 23andme awhile back? Well, she was contacted by a first cousin! Her bio mom’s sister’s child. Then she was contacted by a half sibling. No one knew about my daughter. Her bio mom didn’t tell anyone, not her parents, her sister, her current husband or her children.

The cousin asked my daughter if she wanted to know who her mother is and her health history, plus other information. My daughter said that she did want to know.

Her cousin couldn’t tell her anything about her bio dad. Her bio mom was away for her first year of college when she got pregnant. So, that’s why her parents and her younger sister didn’t know anything about her pregnancy.

My daughter said that her cousin wasn’t close to her aunt (my daughter’s birth mother) but she was close to her bio mom’s dad, my daughter’s grandfather. My daughter’s bio grandmother died recently. She was a librarian.

My daughter’s cousin contacted the grandfather and he said that he would love to speak with my daughter!

My daughter still says that she will respect her bio mother’s privacy, but if she wants to speak to her that she will gladly do so.

My daughter ended the conversation with, “Mom, I love you. You are my mom who raised me and has always loved me. She is my mother who gave birth to me. I have a relationship with you. I don’t even know her. I’m so glad that I can share everything with you.”

Oh my gosh! My daughter just sent me a photo of her bio mom. Her cousin sent it to her. She looks so much like her! She sent a few other family photos too.

Makes me wonder how many people have found birth parents and children through DNA! I gave my daughter the 23andme kit as part of her birthday present.

My daughter has said that it was never a necessity to know who her bio parents were but that it is natural to be curious and that she would like to have her health history.

I want her to be happy.
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Lea,

So sorry that Chuck’s meeting with his daughter didn’t go well. It’s very sad. Most of us know that we can’t control how others feel. We aren’t responsible for their feelings or behavior.

I realized that the more I tried to reach out in difficult relationships, the more I became hurt by their actions, so I eventually stopped trying. We can’t tolerate disappointment over and over. It’s heartbreaking.

I tried numerous times to help my oldest brother because I truly cared about his well being.

I discovered that he was beyond help and my efforts were destroying my own well being. I had to learn that I couldn’t help a person who didn’t want my help.

Sadly, my brother blamed everyone else for his problems. He took no responsibility for his actions and chose not to hold himself accountable.

I took my mom to see him in his end of life hospice facility. I forgave him for the pain that he caused. I wasn’t angry anymore.

The emotion that I felt above everything else was just being incredibly sad. I grieved for what could have been.

He was a great person when he was sober. He owned a successful business and he ended up losing everything. His addiction literally took his life and that is truly sad.

Thanks to my wonderful therapist, I learned not to feel like a failure because I couldn’t convince him to turn his life around.

It’s tough to go through these situations. We can heal and learn to live in peace even if there is a void in our lives from things not going as we would have liked.

Actually, I grieved the loss of my brother long before he died because I had to go no contact for my own sanity.
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Well, the meeting between Chuck and his DD went as expected: poorly. She wants no relationship with him (Or I) because "we prevented her from seeing her dad during Covid and then allowed my dd to come to AZ with us where her bf contracted Covid and exposed her dad to it" which translates to her being green with jealousy that my dd came to AZ with us. She saw her dad many times pre transplant. She was mad that Mayo said she couldn't stay in our home bc she hadn't been vaccinated. Something out of our control we're being held responsible for. When my dd flew in from New Orleans to AZ and her bf tested positive for Covid, she stayed away from us and tested herself and came up negative. The doctor at Mayo said we were likely exposed daily at the hospital and clinics ANYWAY, so no big deal.

She was worried that Chuck was going to make a scene in the hospital in front of her in-laws next week, is the likely reason she wanted to meet. He would never do such a thing, and she should've known that! He just wants to see his granddaughter. His DD said she won't prevent him from seeing his granddaughters, but how that would work Idk.

I honestly think Chuck feels RELIEF after being badgered and abused by his DD for so long. I know I feel relieved myself. It's sad things worked out this way, but there was no getting thru to her, he said.
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Hopefully your Chuck doesn't come home discouraged from being around toxic energy Lea. I've finally learned after 61 years on earth to avoid people who drain me.

I've always had a hard time reconciling that it says in the Bible to love everyone and how to apply that to people who sap you emotionally. Love from afar I guess.
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LL, glad the water heater is getting replaced in a cost-effective way (sweat equity a la Chuck and son).

Can't wait for the update on "As the DD Turns" soap opera.
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Such a blessing to have a handy hubby and stepson!

Chuck’s daughter? Oh boy. God bless Chuck for having patience with her at all. 🤦🏻‍♀️
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I'm buying a water heater at Home Depot and Chuck will install it tomorrow along with his son. They've both done it before and it's not a small tight space at all, so it should be fine. They'll pick it up tomorrow at Home Depot and then my stepson will take the old one home with him and put it in the alley where the metal recyclers will snatch it up within the hour 😂

Chuck is at lunch with his DD right now....she already changed the meeting time and location once this morning! Good thing he wasn't on the highway when she decided once again she was "too busy" to meet him at 1030 and then texted him at 1039 to say she was still in bed. 😑 1230 at a restaurant was the new meeting place and time and Chuck was wired when he left here. I pray things didn't go TOO badly.
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Lea,

How is the water heater research going?
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Bm
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Lea: Ugh on your water heater. I wish Chuck peace with his daughter.
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It's not still under warranty?
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Lea,

My dh installed heaters as part of his previous job. The company always sent two guys, each physically able to handle their share of the weight, and more, of navigating a wet cylindrical object out of a tight spot and replacing it with same. This is probably one of the more physically demanding jobs in the field for both parties.

Rather than Chuck being physically hands on in this process, maybe his son and his friend?
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Sorry to hear about your water heater. The water heater gave up the ghost at my parents’ house three weeks ago. Always lotsa fun to get a call about it when you are 3,000 miles away from said water heater . The fun just never stops.

Hoping you have a good result from your next infusion.
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Geaton,

How true! Your FIL was correct. Most people who get married and have children end up spending a lot of money.

I am fascinated by people who are successful in saving a lot of money.

Years ago I read about a librarian in New Hampshire. He was able to stash away $4 million dollars. He left all of his fortune to his alma mater. He was single, no children and lived very simply.
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So glad that the brain zaps have stopped! What a brilliant DD you have! 👸🏻

Gaaaaah on the water heater! Home ownership is sure not for sissies! A year ago, we had to replace a complete A/C system, the dishwasher, and the washing machine, all around the same time! And, the house is only 7 years old! 😜

Girl, I’m praying that the next infusion you have is able to work wonders for ya! 🙌
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LL, how old is that water heater? The bottom sent out of mine after about 30 years (installed new in the late 70s/early 80s).

Yes, NHWM, it is always something. When we were about to get married my FIL (an insurance salesman) said, "You never get done spending money" which astonished my 23-yr old self (and let me just say that money management was never my strong suit). I thought he was just being a cynical miser. How right he was!
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