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He gets angry and wants to go home, even though we have lived in same home for 15 years. He appears outgoing and if you were not around him long it might not be evident.


I know I am not alone, but I am exhausted and confused. Family is supportive in any decision that needs to be made.


At this point I need suggestions.

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Hi there, my name is Brittany. My grandmother is the same exact way, and I have found that there isnt a lot of help around me either, but right now she has to be qualified for Medicaid here in the state of North Carolina, then a place called liberty home care will send out someone to evaluate. So far this is all the help I've gotten.
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I'd try to discuss his agitation with his doctor. I used to write down what was going on and provide to doctor right before appointment. My LO worried, cried and was very obsessed with certain things, but, daily meds really helped her a lot.

DH may likely continue to believe he is fine. But, maybe, he will listen to his doctor and follow his advice. Can you get an aid to come in an help you with some things? Even if he doesn't think he needs help, you could say the help is for you. Having family support is great, so rely on them if they offer.

Most people don't understand why caretaking a person with dementia is so challenging and mentally draining. That's because they think it's just about losing memory. They don't understand that it's the bizarre behavior, repeating, nonsensical comments, unreasonable demands, delusions, and inability to do simple tasks like work remote, make a sandwich, handle personal hygiene, etc.

I would reach out to get some respite time. You need time to relax and recharge your batteries. It's too much to be on duty all the time.

Depending on his progression, he'll need more and more hands on care. I'd explore your options now, so you can plan or at least have an idea of what is available to you, like what he can afford, in home help, Memory Care, etc. Sometimes, having a list of my options, makes me feel better.
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Kikitiger,

NO, it is not! It may be equal or close to, but one situation does NOT mean the other is easier. I took care of my husband when he had cancer and died 22 years ago, and it was very, very hard. But taking care of my mother in her 90's is beyond hard..... I am so sick of her selfishness, and my lack of direction in fixing this situation. I want my life back !!!!
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when he says he wants to go home, he’s probably talking about his childhood home.

You need to do what you need to do even if the family isn’t supportive. It is all too easy for those who don’t have to deal with this on a daily basis to throw in their 2cents and insist that he is fine. All you can do is try your best to explain the situation and encourage them to come around more so that they will get a taste of your daily life.
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Hi Kiki, this sounds familiar! And, yes! It does get frustrating. Your post doesn’t have a direct question, which is why I think it ended up as a discussion rather than a question on the forum. But, I think you’re asking how to better deal with this, so here are some ideas:

- Realize he still loves you. It’s not him consciously wanting to leave or trying to frustrate you, but it’s the disease that’s causing this impairment.

-What time of day does it usually happen? Does it get worse if the day has been busy? Pay attention to the trends, and then you can be better mentally prepared.

-Anti-anxiety medication can help, like the class of benzodiazepines. Talk with his doctor.

- Spend quality time together during his best times of the day.

- Look into getting assistance around the house during his worst times. If this is at night (sundowner’s syndrome), have a family member there or hire an aide to take the pressure off you. While they fuss, go read a favorite book or take a bath.

- Plan for the future. It’s not easy to talk about things like this, but there’s real benefit in knowing what his wishes are and what options are available. (Assisted Living, Memory Care facilitates, Stay at home benefits, POA, etc). Your Office of Aging can help. Also, an elder care attorney knows the legal aspects and can help tremendously.

Good luck on this bumpy journey!
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