This is more of a vent...

Ever since I have taken on the care for my parents (about 6 years now)... I have received no help , no emotional support, no understanding. What I do occasionally receive is occasional generic gestures... usually in the form of a text.. which takes the least effort of all.

On Christmas I get the generic (Have a Merry Christmas!), when I have one of my parents in the hospital I get the generic ('Keep me Posted'), when its one of their birthdays I get the generic (Tell them I said happy birthday). All of these gestures are the very least that they can think of doing and still not affect their own lives or good time in any way. I am really sick of it and is one of the things I am constantly dealing with.

Well.. I had decided this year I would block them all during these times so they cannot send these offensive messages. Today is Christmas Eve and I was thinking of doing it after lunch... which is too late as I just received the most offensive one.. from one of my mom's sisters who lives in town who could be of some real comfort and support but who chooses to send generic texts instead.. she is one of the worst offenders... I can feel my blood pressure rising!

At this point I feel angry that I didn't protect myself from this soon enough!!! I know others may not get my extreme feelings toward this..but it is making me feel just a little better to vent.

Next time I will block them much sooner.. I guess live and learn.. how can one text just cause so much negative emotions... ugh!!!!!!

Let me go block them all now before any more arrive!!!

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How about you do your own 'generic' text saying 'No, too busy looking after parents'. Or 'our parents' or 'your parents'.

Please don't block the messages they send, cuz at least they are thinking about you enough to send texts. But maybe it's time for you to look into other arrangements for your parents' care.

katiekay, I really believe that many people just don't know what to do when it comes to a sibling or a parent who needs around the clock care. Some will jump in and help.... other will keep their distance.

My own Mom was a distance person. I remember when her own Mom was in the hospital she did fly home to be there for a couple of days. Did she stay to help? No. I recalled Mom's reasoning was she had a husband and daughter back home that needed her help.

Bet my Mom was telling all her siblings that Dad and I would be lost without her there. She probably had a playbook of excuses why she couldn't stay to help. Dad and I were both fully employed, knew we could get food at a restaurant, and figured out how to lock the door and turn off the lights at night :P

Ah ha, now I understand why there was bitterness between Mom and all her siblings over the last 40 years. Mom was just not the hands-on caregiving type, and there isn't anything wrong with that as there are plenty of other things she could have done, like being at the family home with her Dad.

Instead of blocking the calls, just turn off the cellphone.

Funny you should post this shortly after I got a text from my bother, oops I meant brother (or do I? 🤪) complaining that dad’s house smells like pee. Implication is of course that I’m supposed to fix that. My thought was, watch what you gripe about, for one day dear one you may be peeing yourself also.
But let’s both of us try not to spend our holiday hung up on the careless thoughts of mindless others, resentment get us nowhere. I know from trying it on too often

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