My husband has dementia and is an alcoholic and is verbally abusive recently.

Whew! Alcoholism and dementia! What a sad, sad combination -- for him and especially for you. Is it time to place him in long-term care? Have you asked his dementia doctor for advice?

My heart goes out to you.

My brother was an alcoholic. He was a serious one. He would have to drink half a bottle of Jim Beam in the morning "just to get straight." He was verbally abusive, especially to his son. After about 30 years of marriage, his wife took the almost-grown son and left. My brother was free falling and no one could stop him. He had no desire to quit drinking. If he didn't want to quit, no one could stop him. Sad thing is that he was arrested a few times, but the police would just release him. They wouldn't even keep him overnight because they knew him, I guess.

In his last years on earth, his health went downhill -- stroke, liver problems, bad heart, beginning dementia. I am glad his wife left, though she still gave him a place to stay. He finally drank himself to death at age 57. Sad thing is that no one missed him. He wore out his welcome on earth.

If your husband will not get help, chances are he is going that same route. Is there a way you can get away and go to some Al-Anon meetings? Listening to others living with alcoholics may help a lot. If he is making your life miserable, perhaps you will consider moving out to where you will be happy. It is hard to be married to a man who is married to the bottle.