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She used to like him then started making bizarre accusations against him. I keep getting told to Go Back Home (to my ex-husband). We are getting married in a couple of months and I still haven't told her, the thought of the abuse, nastiness and weird reasons why I shouldn't do it will spoil a happy time in my life. I know I can walk away, refuse to discuss etc. but is there any way to approach the subject without sending her ballistic?

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Many thanks. My ex-husband did not want a family as that would have take up too much of my attention, so my mum has been deprived of grandchildren. I am trying to get her interested in the children/grandchildren of my partner, so I can say Look At Your New Family... and when that gets me kicked back no doubt I will think of another hoop to jump through!
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Patricia, I agree with Sand and crs - Don't tell your mother until after you are married. For those of us who have unhappy mothers; they find some satisfaction in trying to make us as miserable as they are. I don't know of any way to approach mothers like this as there really isn't one that will keep them from attempting to ruin your happiness. The less said, the better.

Enjoy your happiness; you deserve it! If you don't feel comfortable having a private ceremony and then telling her you are married, maybe just tell her over the phone and that way you can keep the conversation short. Take care and enjoy this time in your life.
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I agree dont let anyone or anything stop you from being happy with the person you love, if you do let someone ruin it, you will pay not them!!
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Thank you, I am so sorry you lost your man in this way. Yes I have thought of telling her after the event, but feel ridiculous that an 87 year old woman with a scrambled brain can drive me to such anxiety and fear!
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I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life approximately 10 years ago as I announced to my family that I was getting married to a man I loved dearly and dated for three and one half years. We were very happy together, middle aged, had very lucrative jobs, he was divorced with three children.

With out going into details, my mother set out to ruin the happiest time of my life and succeeded. We broke up as he told me he hated my mother and family and our marriage would not work out.

My advise, from one who experienced tremendous heartbreak, go away and have a private ceremony. Tell your mother, after the fact, that you are married and happy. What ever you do she will not approve and I suspect that she will do her best to cause friction in your marriage. I would never wish on my worst enemy the despair and pain that I experienced. Please do not let this happen to you.
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