What triggers your anxiety when dealing with caring for your parent?

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Mom with dementia asked me last night, "who's paying you to give me my pills?"She's been fairly agreeable lately, so I wasn't sure where the question came from....the beginnings of paranoia? I responded, "what? I can't be doing it out of the kindness of my heart?" And then hubby chimed in, "your daughter is evil" and then we all had a good laugh. However, sometimes I wonder, what in the world is going on in her mind... I haven't had butterflies or panic in two weeks, but woke up this morning with butterflies, so I guess her comment bothered me more then I realized. What triggers your anxiety when dealing with caring for your parent? Apparently, anything other then agreeableness sets me off, I think it's because of the "old" mother-daughter relationship and being a people pleaser.


JJGood, I know exactly what you are going through. My Dad, who was a brilliant man, now has dementia. Thus anytime he says something that doesn't make sense, it really startles me. I know I need to "play along" with whatever he says, but it is hard to do.

I haven't had a good night sleep in over 6 years, dealing with very stubborn parents who were in their 90's and refused to downsize into something elder safe. No way, no how. I feel like I have lost control of the situation. My Mom has since passed and Dad is now in Assisted Living.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop !!
I don't think I ever got butterflies or anxiety - there were a few moments when I felt my stomach in my throat: When Mom forgot who her sister was - in the middle of a conversation - it was like somebody kicked me in the stomach,,,but I couldn't let that register on my face. This aging thing has some very hard moments,,,and the fear and hurt isn't from old stuff, it's from what's to come. When Mom didn't know that "Barbara" was her sister,,,,I knew that Mom was crossing over the line and I was afraid and grieving for her. Very hard to stay strong,,,but you can and will because you love your Mom.
Strangely the mental stuff has never bothered me nearly as much as the physical. Yes, the endless calling can drive me batty, but when she wakes up wondering if all the kids have gone home yet or she really can't remember who I am, or who she is for that matter, it just doesn't really freak me out. When she hasn't had a bowel movement for days or her BP is high or she is acting off then I get worried.
When the nursing home/rehab center's phone number pops up on my caller ID!
Like Xina, pretty much whenever the phone rang, especially very early or very late I would jump out of my shoes sometimes. And as a someone who has long suffered with panic disorder I knew I had to get myself in a better place than that. The last few years with my parents made previous illnesses seem like a walk in the park.

When I got to that point I started taking action to get them in home help as a start and did it sneakily since they refused any help except from me which was impossible. I stair stepped it from there, taking over more of the bills and coordination, which did reduce my stress, because I knew unpaid bills weren't lying around forever.

I recall I told them once, I have reached my limitations to what I can reasonably do for you guys. Here's what I will do and not do and here's what's going to happen for the not do items. I went through a really bad panic/anxiety spell back in 2010-11 that I never want to experience again. I had no idea then that was preparation for what I'd be facing in future years, so I can see it did serve a purpose. Many jittery nights praying, tearing, reading scripture and calling out to the Lord saved me for sure. My mom passed away on Easter Monday this year, my dad is in memory care now, but do you know I still put the phone out of my line of sight when I go to bed even now, just can't help it. Know you're in good company, not that you want to be, but it does help to know others understand.
Dad's MC always seemed to call after I was in bed after a 3 day shift, and having taken a sleeping pill.... no sleep for me, and probably seemed drunk to MC and hospital...LOL Now it;s when Mom is in a "mood".. how to get her to eat.. if I should MAKE her go on errands with me to get her out of the house...pretty much anything some days...
Doctor day and the stupid lies and manipulation on those days were the worst for me. It absolutely set me off...every month after the visit, I would be so upset, I had to do shots and drink alot to deal with it.
Every time the phone rings, every time I go to visit every time she refuses to take her meds or eat. I am in a consent state of anxiety since February.

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