Ready to crash.

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I was one of the main caregivers for my grandma for about three years. Only my mom and one cousin helped and I felt like I lost my extended family because they wouldn't help. When my grandma died I felt free and that I had my life back. Then three months later my mom had a stroke and I became her caregiver. It has been over a year and I receive very little help from my brothers. Mom had recently has had more medical problems and I had to pay a lot of bills. I only have enough money to pay someone to watch mom while I work so I don't get out a lot. I feel very alone and I don't have anyone to talk to. My mom was my best friend. Recently I felt like I have no friends or family. I have even thought about suicide a few times. Right now I know I wouldn't do that but it scares me that I even thought it. I can't afford to go to a support group so I thought I would try online. I have to find a way to stop feeling so isolated that won't cost a lot of money. Any ideas, support, or just happy thoughts? Right now I'm open to anything.


Little75, might your mother be eligible for Medicaid? There are benefits that can help keep people in their homes rather than going to a nursing home.

I know that financial matters are only one of the issues you face, but getting help in that area can ease the stress in other areas, too.

Getting your brothers to help might be a lost cause, but have you tried specific requests? Do they live in the area? "Danny, could you stay here with Mom next Saturday night, so I can go out with friends? She goes to bed early." "Pete, could you invite Mom over to your house for dinner Wednesday night, or take her to McDonald's, so I can go to a support meeting?" If you haven't asked for specific help on a specific date, it would be worth a try.
Hi Little75, I hope you find the help here that you need. Since you mention that you would like to go to a support group, you might want to look into your local adult day health center or even just call your local hospital and ask them if anyone offers a support group for caregivers in town free of charge. In my town (about 80K people) there are three such groups per month and none of them charge anything. Is there a social worker connected with your mom's medical care office? If so, you can make an appointment to talk to the social worker. That was where I started with opening up to others about the struggles I was going through with my parents, and it was very helpful. Best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you. When you spend some time on this site, one thing that you'll figure out very quickly is that you are definitely not alone! (Even though it can feel that way.)
I tried Medicade but she doesn't qualify. We have just enough money to survive. Medicare and insurance has helped but her last prescription was 600.00 with insurance. Sadly I think I have to give up on my brothers. I have tried everything I can think of to help (including begging) but they are always too busy or don't have the money. Part of the problem is that I'm the only one that is single without kids therefore it seems like they feel I should have plenty of time and money. I also think they are afraid of taking care of her (she needs someone to change her, transfer her, basically everything). I offered to teach them but they refused to come. Thanks for commenting it's nice to at least talk about it.
With regard to prescription meds that cost that much, talk to mom's doctors about how costly the specific drug is, tell them that you are having to pay. Doctors have access to samples, each drug company has programs for patients who can't afford drugs and there are usually less expensive alternatives, although not always.

WIth regard to Medicaid, does mom get too much on a monthly basis to qualify, or does she have "assets"? Have you consulted an eldercare attorney about eligibility?

Sadly she has C. Def and can't get rid of it. The antibiotic is very expensive and there are no alternatives. If this doesn't work she will have to get a stool transplant. I went to a eldercare consultant when she first had her stroke and they said she gets to much monthly with her retirement to get Medicade. Her monthly check takes care of most of the caregiving expenses but I still have to pay over 500 of my money. In addition I have to get briefs, wipes, and all the other supplies you don't know about until you start taking care of someone that really add up. Then life keeps hitting (dentist, car problems, paying moms taxes, etc.)
Can't you do a Miller Trust to get her qualified for Medicaid? Google this; you need an Eldercare attorney to set this up, but it sounds as though it would be worth the investment.

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