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My marriage is suffering because my husband is now retired (65) and was looking forward to going out together and doing things most retired couples do. I myself am 60 with ongoing medical problems (several herniated discs in lower spine and just days ago tore or ruptured my rotator cuff in the left shoulder) and I am getting so tired of trying to do everything for everyone while suffering through my own pain. We used to go out with our grandchildren (2 boys - aged 13 and11) but can no longer do that because mom needs constant care and can't be left on her own, even for a short while. Not much money for help. If anyone has any helpful suggestions I would be eternally grateful. Thanks so much just for taking the time to read this post.

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Was your husband in the military? I think they have some resources for respite care.
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My heart goes out to you. I am in my 60's also and am going on 3 years. You really need a break. Any other family that could help? Don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone. I think there are foundations that help with respite care. Just get on the web and look everywhere and then start making phone calls. This site is the place to be. I will look at the web for any government programs or foundations that might help and post anything I find. My thoughts and prayer are with you.
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I'm in my 60's and thank God am healthy. Some health issues surface and one has more and more to do in order to keep the healthy but I am so grateful for being able to move well, think well, feel young, and that I haven't had to take drugs for long term "health", which indeed seems like a doublespeak thing since drugs do not cure anything or even address a cause for disease in the first place.
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You are not alone. Many of us are living and suffering with the same pain you are enduring. A lot of advice given above, some of it very good. You do need to take care of yourself, too, or you won't be able to keep doing any of the things everyone expects from you. Try asking for help from family - your own siblings, if you have any, but don't expect a lot of help from them, since it sounds like they've probably ALWAYS expected you to do those things (for them!). At least that's been my own experience, being the one that always seems to end up having to handle what seems like everything. Your own children would be most inclined to help you out, either by helping with tasks or just by listening to you. And their emotional support will do more good for you than anything else. Hope this helps, and please keep us posted so we know you're hanging in there!
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95 years old? You may want to ask Hospice if they can help or suggest something. Talk with a case worker or her doctor....
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Oh gosh, 2burnt, you really said it about not being the person you used to be! It really does change who you are. Yes Denilan, I think Medicaid should be able to help. You've done enough…you need to live your life :) Even getting someone to come in for a few hours would be good if you can do that. You need a break.
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I used to think that I'd never put my mother in a home and that I'd always take care of her but I too am approaching 60 and my husband is retiring this year. We would be able to travel and enjoy life if I could leave my mother alone but I can't. I think there may be a time when I choose to live my life after giving her many years that I can no longer get back. Your mom should understand that you deserve to enjoy life before you no longer have the health to do so. If she doesn't than she is putting her own interest before yours and that's not a mother's love for her children. You mentioned you have a couple of grandkids as I do. I want to do things with them, go places with them before they are off on their own. Everything is on hold because of caregiving. I think my marriage has suffered, not because my husband gets upset but because I'm no longer the person I used to be. You must honor yourself, your husband and your mom. If you are suffering physically and emotionally, then maybe it's time for other living arrangements. I never used to feel this way but it's true, people are living so much longer and with so many more medical issues that the facts of caregiving have changed over the years. No longer are 50 year olds taking care of 80 year olds. Now it's 60 taking care of 90 and in some in one case I know a 78 year old daughter is taking care of her 98 year old mother. Please take care of yourself, it's your turn. Our mother's had their turn, lived their lives, now it's our turn to live ours before it's too late.
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Please put your health & your husband first. It's time for a facility, but do your homework & find the right one. hugs
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Is mom clear minded enough to understand you cannot physically care for her? Look for medicaid help. Get her into a facility, but visit her often. The bad part of facility living is for the people that get dumped and forgotten.
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People in their 90's need people half their age to care for them. At 65 it is all you can do just to take care of yourself. Time to pass the torch.
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Caregiving is a tough road and those of us who are in our 60's it is very difficult for us to be hands-on caregivers because we ourselves are going through our own age related decline. Decades ago one's parents did normally live this long so the caregivers were younger and healthier.

One out of every 3 caregiver dies leaving behind the person they were caring. Then the elder who was being cared for moves into a continuing care facility to live a couple more years. In the mean time the husband no longer has a wife, the children no longer have a mother..... and Mom is being cared for by paid professionals, enjoying meals with others in the dining room, and enjoying activities with people of her own age group if she is still mobile and clear mind.

One suggestion is to check with Medicaid to see what is available for Mom, if she qualifies for Medicaid.... there's nothing wrong with searching out other options.
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