Im the sole caregiver for my mom who had a massive stroke. Which left her bed bound and unable to speak. I work one day a week. Which my boyfriend would watch my mom while I worked. Well my boyfriend and I recently broke up. And im going through depression I myself dont want to eat all I want to do is sleep til night. But my mother needs and want attention all day

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Treating your depression must come first. Only then can you help your mom. Please check with social services to look at options for your mom's care and see a therapist for your own. We'll be waiting to hear how you are doing.
Helpful Answer (1)

My wife's massive stroke left her in a similar if not "identical" condition...unable to speak and paralyzed on one side.....(that was in 2005).....After 110 days in the nursing home for therapy (Which did not help her regain any recovery) I took her home and cared for her by myself...I felt invincible....It only took a few weeks for me to realize I am not invincible. Slowly I began to do things to have short breaks of a few hours twice a week and then somewhat more... My heart gave out in 2007...I was no longer able to care for her. She has been in a nearby nursing home since then, and once our nest egg was depleted, she went onto Medicaid in 2009.

What I learned was that my outlook on a number of aspects of life have changed since 2005....(money, my own capabilities, etc.)

It seems to me that your depression will likely worsen, and your physical and emotional reserves will definitely diminish as time goes along...There will come a point where you will be incapable of caring for her (perhaps a breakdown, heart attack, etc.). that point someone will step in although we cannot know who or how at this point....

Others on the forum will likely chime in to suggest agencies to contact...My own suggestion is to do what needs to be done to get her onto Medicaid....if that entails spending down what money she has, no matter how much, it would be worth it so that you can get her the care she needs..(In our case, we spent our life savings (substantial) for nursing care and I never give it a thought now and have a life and still go to visit my wife twice daily at a minimum.)

I wish I could suggest more specifics.

Grace + Peace,
Helpful Answer (19)

I was headed down that path and my daughter saw it and scheduled me to see a therapist. I thought I was above seeking help, but I was wrong. Just talking with someone other than family so I could get things OUT was amazing. (I also pray a lot.). But please seek help where you can, you will need it. God Bless
Helpful Answer (11)

Seek immediate help of psychiatrist/psychologist. Do not leave your depression unhealed. With regard to your mom, try to seek shelters who will take care of her. You can't work all day and then give care for your needy mom at night. Do not overburden yourself. It's too much to handle. Good luck dear.
Helpful Answer (9)

That's a tough one. I went through a long depression and whilst some prefer to be medication, I chose the route of meditation and breathing techniques. it helped tremendously and kept me going. Try to remember that the dawn breaks after the darkest moment. There is always a time in one's life when it feels like everything is stacked against you, but you'll come out the other end stronger. I wish you strength through this difficult period.
Helpful Answer (6)

I agree. You need to get some support for yourself or you will not be able to care for your mom. Think about family members, friends of yours or your mother's, members of your or your mother's church family. Don't know how long you have had changes in your appetite & sleep, but if it has been more than 2 weeks, you should think about seeing a therapist or doctor about depressive symptoms.
Helpful Answer (5)

You need to take care of yourself first. Reach out for help to a friend or family member. Make an appointment with your physician and talk to him/her about what is going on. If your mom has the resources for hiring a aide, do it, this is her rainy day. Were you depressed prior to the breakup? Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. Good luck and keep us posted.
Helpful Answer (4)

I too deal with depression caring for both parents past 2 yrs. It's a very draining commitment to a responsibility "dumped" so-to-speak in one's life. Due to heart issues, my dad qualified for hospice care/home visits...paid in full by Medicare. I contacted Southern Care of Indiana and they were a godsend. I can't imagine your mom not qualifying for hospice and Medicare. If you haven't, contact a home care facility in your area and they can look into this for you. I didn't have to do a thing except sign on a dotted line and they did the rest. Just make sure you do NOT sign anything that states you will be responsible for any charges not covered by Medicare. Please look into a home care/hospice provider. It only takes a phone call. Good luck and god bless.
Helpful Answer (4)

Although all of the advice is very good here as to what you need to do for yourself, I am sure the logistics of exactly how you should go about doing it is the big question. It would seem that you first need to find someone to watch your mother for a few hours so you can seek either medical help or emotional support for your situation. NOt only are you dealing with your mother, you have suffered a great loss with the loss of the relationship. You need space and time to mourn that and recover. And if you are not working or working enough, money is surely a problem with paying for even a few hours of care. Start making calls from the house to home care agencies, hospice providers, and even local churches to find some sort of assistance so you can help yourself. Take it one day at a time and all you are looking for is a few hours of care (that you can trust) so you can seek help outside of your home. You need help in many ways and it's time for you to go beyond your own situation and reach out to someone.....anyone. I feel your pain and hopelessness. I pray for your healing and that you have the courage and strength to pull yourself up out of the darkness that you must feel surrounds you.
Helpful Answer (3)

My suggestion is: START FINDING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU LAUGH EVEN HYSTERICALLY. That is the best therapy I can think of for depression. It will free you and get you completely outside of your situation. MAKE IT YOUR DAILY MEDICINE. I asked God to give me laughter over a year ago, and He did!!!
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