Mom has unrealistic expectations.
Thanks again for this forum, and for all of you who respond. My mom is thinking about trying to sell her condo and get into an AL facility. She does not really have the money, but that is a separate topic in itself. She is pretty well able to care for herself so far (at 84), but is getting more confused about things, so something like AL is attractive in that sense.
But her main issue is her self-described "loneliness". Of two of her sons that live in the area (my brothers, I live 1000 miles away), only one is engaged at all. Of course, this puts a bigger burden on him.
When she visited an AL facility, she thinks that she will be able to make friends and get companionship there, but the trouble is her. She has never really been able to make and keep friends... typically due to her being pretty judgmental (yes, it has to do with her fundamentalist Christianity).
Since she cannot really afford AL, while she is able, I want to take her to the local senior center and say "look mom, this is what they do here: play cards, go on trips, gossip, etc.". If you are not willing to join in and participate in these types of activities here, for free, what makes you think that you would want to do them in AL?
The response to this type of query is either silence, or the "hurt look", or "I guess it is all my fault"... Arrrrrgggghhhhh!
I know that this is not really a question, really more like a vent, as I understand that we cannot change mom or her personality at this point in her life.
My brother and I would be happy if she *could* find some type of companionship at the senior center which would get her out of the house and alleviate some of her loneliness, but given her history, it does not seem likely that will work.
Any thoughts or comments on how to deal with her unrealistic expectations are welcome!