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While reading JohnDBarry34's post, "I am so very tired and sad.", I realized that we all want and need to escape our responsibilities of caring for our loved one for awhile. It's normal when we feel trapped in a difficult situation, without being able to see the end of our duties. For many of us, the whole 24 hours are spent catering to our loved ones. Even though we love them, we want to leave at times, to cultivate our lives, enjoy and have fun.


So, my question is;
Where would you go? Would it be close to home, another city, around the world or out of this world. Close your eyes for a couple of minutes and let your mind journey to a happy place.


My "happy place" is the beach in Bucerias, Nayarit, Mexico. We used to go with friends when we lived there and we had such a good time. The sand was clean and fine grain, which felt great between the toes, the sun was warm with a faint ocean breeze, and you could wade out quite far in the ocean to catch little waves with the boogie boards. The pelicans would fly in formation high in the sky.
The ladies would set to work on making ceviche and the guys would bring out the Coronas. Everyone would sit under the canopy, eating, talking and laughing. After having our fill, more ocean time. At the end of the day we'd pile into our pickup, sandy and content.


I feel tears welling up in my eyes for the good memories. My heart longs to be there once more. On really hard caregiving days, I close my eyes for a minute and think back to the good times on that beach. It renews me for awhile, like a 2 minute vacation. It also gives me hope that it will still be there when all this madness is over. Hope is what keeps us going.

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Home. My mountain home is empty and in another state. It's snowing there now...
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Lately I've been wishing I had the means to be one of those folks who run away to Hawaii or Mexico or Jamaica every Christmas....somewhere warm, where my family isn't.
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I have a romantic dream about living in a small Paris apartment. Walking along the Seine every day and eating French pastries.
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This summer my younger daughter used her wish from make a wish to take us back to England for a week...I'd go there again at the drop of a hat.
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Far away white sandy beach (or black sandy beach) is sounding really good right about now.
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I would choose an English village similar to the one Miss Marple in the Agatha Christie books lived. Everyone would wave & smile at each other & I would no longer be invisible.
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@Momshelp - I totally get your worries about indoor cats vs. dogs and people who aren't careful about doors!! Glad you get to go home to stay sometimes, I'm a little envious! Lol. I definitely hear you that home is sanctuary. That's how I feel about my place.

Our situation is that I am staying with mom, and there was no one at home (it's just me) to look after my older cat when I started doing it. (I have someone staying at my place now.)  I got the kitten as a buddy for my older cat after I started staying with mom, as she lives 6 floors up and it's pretty boring for kitty with no trees or wildlife to watch (just the occasional pigeon!). Plus for my sanity! The kitten really lifts the overall mood around here. :-)
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Dorianne, I'm so happy you included kitty. I get to spend 1 night a week in my own bed w/my spouse & our cats. I could take a cat to moms but she has a big dog & isn't careful about doors. My cats are strictly indoors. I just decided it's not worth the added stress to take them. I know that 1 night is a mini vacation & when I get 2 nights in a row, it's the equivalent of a week off! Home is my vacation. Home is sanctuary. Home is where my real life is. I'm ending a 2 nights off right now & I love my mom but I wish I could make it 3 nights!
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My kitten had vaccinations today, and then I had to get my snow tires put on. So while I was waiting for my truck, I arranged with my housesitting friend for me and the kitten to visit with him at my apartment. I was kind of inspired by this thread and my earlier comment when I arranged it.

It was soooooo wonderful to be in my own home, even for a couple of hours! I missed the trees! They are golden and half-bare. Plus the kitten got to see where we REALLY live for the first time. He seemed to think it was the funnest place on earth! Which was awesome. Maybe he picked up my lifted mood. My friend and I are going to do more "home visits," for my sanity's sake, and so that the kitten knows our home.

I'm so glad I found this forum!
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Great question! Nice to think about ourselves once in a while. My 94 yr old mom lives with my husband and me. We bought the family homestead, and she came along with the deal. It’s been 36 years now. I would like to just be home by myself for a change. Then of course that would lose luster, and I’d take a month long vacation in Hawaii.
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I agree with Jessie Belle. I'd just like to come home to my house, talk with my husband in a regular (or shouting) voice that no one else can hear and report to her friends. I'd like wake up and the first thought not to be 'did mom die in her sleep?' Or to return home and find her on the floor. I'd like to not feel bad about taking care of my mom. She is not hard to take care of and still I'm tired of it. Makes me feel awful. So I leave my house to go to the gym a lot and I'd like to stay home.
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I like this page of messages. My immediate thought is that I would just like to be home -- my own home that was free of all the stresses that go with caregiving. I don't need to go anywhere to be happy.
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I hear you, Hellebore. My mother really needs assisted living, as she can't shop, clean, cook, drive, change a lightbulb, or perform any of the countless household tasks required for independent living. Most of the caregiving I do is simply cost containment - doing tasks for free because there's no money to pay someone to do them. Which would not be so bad if it did not require me to spend years living within an hour's drive of mom in a climate and culture I really do not like. Yes, it would be so much easier if there were a few extra dollars to throw around. So much easier...
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Anywhere. I used to travel a lot but am really getting an eyeful of what happens when you don't save for old age - neither my mom nor aunt did and are probably facing at least a decade of having run out of money. Sure would be easier for me if either of them had. Sigh....
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I miss my home too. Well, it's not mine anymore. I moved away several years ago for caretaking duties for my parents, my cousin and my special needs niece. (Not at the same time.) I do still work near the neighborhood though, so that helps. It's just sometimes, at certain times of the day, I ride through in my old neighborhood, go by the shops I used to frequent, see the familiar trees, houses, streets, the old sounds.....it just feels like my home. Does anyone even know that I'm gone?

I lived in that neighborhood for 20 years. We had a great group of friends in that neighborhood! We could walk to each other's house for parties, cook outs, holidays, sit on the porch with lanterns when we lost power due to storms, walk together to the store in snow storms, etc. Then it dawns on me that WE have ALL moved away. One friend moved to be nearer to her senior parents, another one got married, another moved to a one floor house....I get that....man, it makes me sad. But, oh, the memories. We sure did have great times for awhile. I hope to move back one day. But, I have a house in another area. I don't think it'll ever be like my real home though.
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My mom is 82 and has beginning dementia. My sister is 66 years old and I am 65 and retired in 2017. I discussed with my sister that we will take turns looking after her. After spending six months with me this year, she is now overseas for the winter months. She should be back next summer. In the meantime I have planned several vacation trips overseas before she returns. I have decided that we have to make time for ourselves. Stress is not healthy. I plan to visit places I always wanted to visit.
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It doesn't sound lame at all, Dorianne. Many of us have been either displaced or locked in place (or both) by our caregiving duties. I long for the cool and snowy North, you long for the home you created for yourself and had to leave behind. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope you get to return to your home before too much more time has passed. (((Hugs)))
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I would go home. I know that sounds lame. But I'm staying with Mom and maintaining my rental apartment, currently occupied by a friend that I'm secretly subletting to (sublets are not allowed, but we just say he's house sitting). I'm determined not to give it up. I've been there for 21 years, so I now have cheap rent in an expensive city, and it's also the only place in my whole life that ever felt like a real home to me (which is why I've been there 21 years). I've painted every wall (some of them twice now) and most of the furniture. I've sewed my own slipcovers and curtains and pillows. I built a wall unit with my own hands to fit that one weird nook. Plus it's in a nature setting and it's very peaceful. I have made my apartment my one little safe haven from the world. I miss it desperately. My mother lives on the 6th floor overlooking two busy roads and a shopping mall. (We are very different people.) I have no space or solitude here. I want to sit on my balcony sipping coffee and staring at the trees and the river, thinking about nothing. I want to go home.
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CW, yes, a furnace is an absolute necessity. After hauling in wood for hours to feed the fireplace, I'd want to relax and just munch on the baked goodies.
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SueC1957

Your OP was beautiful and it touched me. I can recognize myself in your feelings.
That beach, it will always be there for you. I just wanted to say this.
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GA, that last bit has me wanting to check your forehead to see if you are feverish....

well, I suppose it might be alright if someone else was bringing in the firewood and serving me a just-from-the-oven bread and dessert, but you had better have a nice furnace that kicks in after the fire dies down at night.
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SueC1957, you've really got me "pegged". I dream a lot about being out in the wilderness, in the mountains, and especially hiking in a field of flowers.

Changing direction a bit, as Fall creeps in and Winter isn't too far behind, does anyone dream about being out in the wild hiking in the snow, or even just being in a log cabin, warmed by a fireplace, relaxing with a warm quilt, and just watching the winter activity of birds and possibly a few 4 legged critters?

Or dreaming of baking something you've grown or stored from a garden and allowing the fragrance of that freshly baked dessert, or better yet home made bread, waft through the house and tempt you?
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How fascinating reading all of your replies! I'd love to visit ALL the places mentioned. Each one sounds so relaxing or good for renewing the mind. Sometimes just thinking about your special place, or better yet, making plans to visit (even if it's in the unknown future) can help get us through the day. Wouldn't it be great if we could all go together? Group trip!

Momshelp,
In July I want to hear EVERY detail about Hawai'i. I've been once but that's just the frosting on the cake! Good for you guys. Think positive, it WILL work out.

Garden Artist,
I wouldn't normally encourage someone to max out their credit card, but I can "see" you hiking in the long grass and edelweiss of the Austrian hills with your walking stick! Go, take a slew of pictures and I'll bet you'd win the Nat Geo contest!

Dadsdew,
Yeah, you probably are trapped, as many of us are. But this thread is for dreaming---fantasy that can turn into reality!
Where would you go if money, time and caregiving wasn't a problem?
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Yes, I sent you a PM for that link.

While I know that I can't go anyway too far right now, I know that one day, I'l be able. I'll have to work extra hard, but, it's doable. I hope my new husband will be on board.
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Sunny, you can whet your appetite (or heighten your desire to go) by watching the travelogues on tv. With Christmas coming up, one of the regular ones is the Christmas Market, but I don't recall if it's in Germany or Bavaria.

You can literally feel as though you're there. My longing is always increased by watching these, so I have to pull out my bank statement to get me back to reality.

Uh, oh, my visions just flashed to a gently sloped mountainside with a herder taking his or her sheep up to feeding grounds. I can even hear the tinkling of cowbells from another herd somewhere!

I think you'd love such a trip - I would!

I love the NAT Geo programs and website. There's a contest on now for best photographs. The photos are incredible, just unbelievably stunning. (PM me if you want a link.)
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GardenArtist, your summation is perfect! OMG, I need to look into it! Austria......JUST did. OMG....nice little village situated on the Danube. Breathtaking! Okay. I've got my destination picked out now. Just have to save some pennies. lol  (The National Geographic website has some breathtaking photos of Austria.)
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Sunny, your description reminds me very vividly of one of those travel programs, of a little inn somewhere in Austria, or Bavaria, with masses of flowers spewing over container pots, outdoor tables, balmy weather (of course the weather is always nice in our dreams!), and lush but climbable mountains in the distance.

Momshelp, the Hawaii travel programs can often be a vacation in and of themselves, especially if they're accompanied by the soft, lovely and lilting Hawaiian songs. The islands are so lovely, so peaceful (except for the volcanic activity) that for me just watching the programs is like a real journey. Sometimes I even eat pineapple to pretend I'm in Hawaii!

(I've tried the gentle swaying dances but still have a long way to go to become proficient and graceful!)
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I'm dreaming of Hawaii. We went on our honeymoon & a few times since. There's nothing like looking at the Ocean & realizing theirs nothing you could do from so far away. It's a freedom to know we wouldn't be the 1st called for anything. That's my happy place & my spouse decided we'll plan a trip for June on faith it can happen. We started a small slow savings towards that dream, just to solidify it in our minds. Love the everything on our schedule only. Thanks for the mini vacation just writing about it.
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I get how being alone would be nice.....just relaxing, reading, eating or not, just having your own schedule for a few days, but, my daydreams are normally of a more active get-a-way. I'd like to be able to get up rather early, put on some comfy clothes, walk down to a coffee house and enjoy a nice brew, reading the news, listening to music, and chatting. And later, walking around to see local sites, taking some nice photos, and then sitting outside at a cafe for dinner with a nice glass of wine, watching the sun set. 
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Trapped
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