I can't take it anymore.

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I am so sick and tired of caring for my old cranky sick child like mother. I want to just go and never come back. No help from 5 siblings other than 'hang in '. She cared for us, now it's time to care for her.


I'm so right there with you Joanie, Every day I dream of my old life and I just want to run away and never look back. Its hard and it sucks. Difference is mine DIDNT care for us when we were young and my siblings are just Happy they don't have to do a dam thing but dial the phone once in a while. And people then wonder why your cranky and NEVER Happy anymore.......pffffffffff
I went thru h*ll coming to terms with caring for my parents...and I had help two days a week!!! I feel for you guys...I hope you either find some help or find a way out of this! For the first 4 years...I was very frugal with money coming in...and FINALLY, when I thought I was going to jump off a bridge...I jumped on a plain and left for 8 days! I paid my brother gooood money to care for my parents...and thank god...he doesn't work. Money comes from their retirement...and savings...but after 6 years now...about a year ago...I realized I could leave whenever I want for a couple of days...and have been doing that. I leave every three months!! It has saved my sanity...and it allows me to live somewhat of a life for myself...while caring for them. Of course I don't feel guilty about spending their money either...I'VE EARNED IT! Gooooood luck, you will find lots of posts like yours!!
Oh My God!! I know how you feel. My husband has 3 sons from a previous marriage and our 2, and only our youngest helps. They never have the time! They could at lease send a gas card or gift care to help with his needs. They always have suggestions of Course!!!!!!
Joaniej231, my ears lay back whenever someone compares caring for a child with that of an adult. Eventually a child learns to do things for themselves and become independent. An adult who is getting older, especially if they have memory issues, is going in reverse.

Also regarding the siblings, sometimes siblings will stop helping or not help because they believe that Mom needs a higher level of care that none of us are professionally trained to do. If the siblings help out, they are enabling Mom to remain at home instead of be in a continuing care complex where there are 3 shifts to help out.... otherwise you will eventually be caregiving 168 hours a week.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I feel so alone. Didn't realize how many others are going through the same thing. What pisses me off is that the siblings just ASSUME that I will do everything. I am 64. I have no life other than Dr appts( too many to mention) and it is assumed that Joanne will do it all. And God forbid if I complain. 'It's Mom you can't say anything bad'. They are clueless. She has probably had 7-8 falls since January. She weighs 85 lbs. she is alert most of the time but nags the living h*ll out of me. I feel caged. What can I do?
Joaniej231, God bless you for caring. I see after my MIL, her own daughter is not involved in her care at all, hasn't got a clue. Won't put lotion on her or clip her nails or shave her whiskers and doesn't even think to check her clothing or incontinent supply. The sons do visit their mother often, but they are good Italian boys who are still hoping she will wait on them hand and foot.
frequent flyer....it cost at least $7000 a month for EACH parent to be in a convalescent home! not everyone is on medicaid.
joaniej231...it might help to voice your opinions when your lazy family is NOT helping you. don't hold back or they will take advantage of you! my youngest brother started coming around when my mother lost more of her ability to care for herself. he didn't come around enough to TELL ME how I should be doing things...his way!! I let him have it after awhile...and told him that if he wanted everything done his way...he could take both my parents to HIS house and take care of them there!!! He doesn't come over at ALL anymore...and actually I'm glad...because all the fighting between us was making me ill!! Don't back down...voice your opinions...you will probably feel better too! you will find a way thru all this...I did.
Joaniej231, Have you tried to talk to siblings about schedule for moms care? My sister and I are sharing care and a niece is helping. The more you do the more they expect until they just assume you will do all. Try calling one before you make Dr appt don't ask, say mom needs to see....what day is good for you to take her. Let them know you will coordinate care but they have to help with heavy lifting. If mom has money that may be inherited you could always tell them if they don't help out you will have to put mom in assisted living and by the way her money will be gone in ....number of years. What are their hot buttons? Use them to get them to help.You are a good person for caring for mom, but you can't do it alone. Before you burn out get help, family or paid caregivers. We r always here when you need to vent.
I fear I'm turning into an alcoholic. Drinking a lot . It settles me. I know it is not good.

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