Husband gets verbally and physically aggressive.
I am 5'2" and 135 lbs, 56 yrs old. My husband is 5'10" and 238 lbs, 65 yrs old. He sustained a severe TBI almost 5 years ago (after 17 yrs of marriage) and has now had dementia for 2 years. He has no memory of our life together. He spent 18 months I. An aggressive TBI rehab prior to the onset of dementia but now he's been home for 2-1/2 yrs and I am his only caregiver. I am losing patience from spending my life now doing nothing but taking care of him and getting causes at and pushed and screamed at whenever I don't answer him the way he wants ornif I don't act sickly sweet to him constantly and stop and listen to all of his nonsense all day long as he wants to show me page after page of pages from golf magazines and catalogs that he tears page about of and looks at and circles items in and writes on ALL day long. He cannot carry on a sensible conversation and I feel bad but sometimes I just cannot deal with it or be sweet. Today was one of those days. He screams at me so loud he strains his vocal cords to do so and he gets so irate within seconds and them will forget it all just seconds later and cal me honey or ask me something like nothing has happened and I am fuming. I know I'm supposed to tell myself it's his brain injury and dementia and not the man I married but it gets very hard to separate the two. He will routinely tell me ' get the F out of here you GD dumb...' Whatever and tell me when I tell him about his outbursts a few moments before that no, he did t say or so what I'm saying. I've recorded him on my phone and shown to him immediately after and he tells me it is not him--that it's my brother (who lives in another state) or it is his brother who died 8 yrs ago. Today I showed him a mirror and held it next to the video I was showing him but that made him angry because he still claims it is not him. He's driving me nuts but then, line now, when he's in bed fast asleep and I know he won't have a clue about his behaviors tomorrow, I feel bad for him again and feel I am being a bad caregiver. I don't know how to live in this vicious cycle much longer without losing my mind. But I know he would not be content living in a care facility, although I believe the care would be better for him and I know the relief of the caregiving burden would greatly reduce my stress and anxiety and allow me to have a life where I could have grandkids over again and leave the house once in a while. I had to place cake pans out on the porch in the snow today that my daughter-in-law wanted to use because when Abe called, my husband was having one of his fits at me so she didn't come in or bring my two grand babies in to see me--telling them 'not today--papaw doesn't feel good.' That breaks my heart and makes me angry all at the same time. I must keep the doors locked with a deadbolted that uses a key from inside to keep him from getting out but I am isolated in here with him day after day. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me and do you agree I sound lime a horrible person losing patience with it all when it's not who he used to be at all and I know it's not really him?