Going away/out without Grandma with dementia.
So my grandma has alzheimers and lives with me,my brother & his gf and my parents. My uncle (which is her son) visits or stays with her at times when one of us can't stay home with her,since she can't be left alone. My parents recently went away for a few days for their anniversary,so me and my brother took care of her and everything while they were gone. My brother was working so me and my brothers gf went to pick up my parents at the airport tonight,so my uncle came by for about 2 1/2 hours while we did that,which we told her multiple times he was coming & he was gonna bring her dinner and what not.
When we walked in the door tonight,she had her hands on her hips and gave us a really angry look. We just smiled and my parents said hi, how are you and she just said,don't smile at me with a straight face and said,why were you gone so long? She didnt ask how they were or anything,she was just upset that we left to pick them up and that we werent home with her,not mad that they went away.
I just told her that its okay and that it was an hour there and back and we stopped for dinner so it took awhile and she just gave me a dirty look and literally glared at all of us.
I felt bad for my parents,especially my mom because we all welcomed them home and she was happy to have a little break and she comes home to her mother mad at her. Also,she was initially uspet when we told her they were going away but the whole time they were gone,she didnt mention them at all until the day they were coming home.
She has done this before when we went out for a few hours one day and my Uncle stayed with her. The thing is,my Uncle doesnt really visit unless we ask him to stay with her so we can all go out as a family when she doesnt want to come with us,so we dont ask much. My mom handles all her bills,food shopping,laundry,doctor appts,etc. yet my grandma praises my Uncle for staying with her once in a while and gets mad anytime we ask him to,I guess she feels like hes a babysitter for her. I understand that she sees it differently and doesnt understand but its just stressful to even go out.
But,its not fair to always have someone stay behind with her because she wont go with us or because we are scared of getting her upset.
We feel like atleast she is in the comfort of her own home and knows who my uncle is of course so it isnt like some stranger is with her.
Its just upsetting when you have a good day with your family and then you come home and shes just so negative and acts like we did something wrong. I totally understand that she isnt as comfortable with her son as she is with all of us but we cant be with her 24/7 and just put our lives on hold.
We would love to go on vacations together (like we used to every year) in the future but I dont know if its possible at this point. How should we deal with this? Theres really nothing we can say when shes upset,she eventually gets over it but how can we make her understand or feel more comfortable I guess?