Toileting Dilemma! My mom simply does not go into the bathroom when she has to go.

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My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease (diagnosed a little over 2 years ago) and during her most recent check-up with her Neurologist, he informed us that she is in the moderate to severe classification. She is an otherwise quite healthy 87 year old who absolutely LOVES to walk so she definitely gets around pretty good for her age. She is not at the point where she doesn't know who folks are but she can no longer dress or bathe herself properly and she requires that someone is with her constantly. The biggest challenge at the moment is toileting. She is quite cognizant of when she needs to go, however, she doesn't always go into the bathroom to do it. It's not so much that she waits until the last minute; it's a matter of her simply not going into the bathroom. She has relieved herself in the hallway of her home, in a living room chair at my brother's home and most recently in a kitchen chair in her kitchen. The first time we were made aware that she was relieving herself in places other than the bathroom, we immediately purchased the pull-up Depends for her. The problem with that is because she is cognizant of when she has to go, she pulls them down and proceeds to do her "business" and when she is done, she simply pulls them up. She is not the least incontinent so the Depends proved to be pretty useless in this endeavor. And of course with the Alzheimer's she totally denies having done anything wrong even when the evidence is quite apparent. We are beside ourselves trying to figure out ways to deter her from toileting in places where she is not supposed to. Any ideas/suggestions/recommendations would be greatly appreciated.


If you're in charge of dressing her you could put her in a jumpsuit that zips up in the back. She wouldn't be able to pull that down and would go in her depends. It also cuts down on impromptu streaking! Good luck and God bless!
YEP... I agree with DJ... Buck and Buck makes clothes that require 'help' so she cannot undress herself. If you see her 'fussing' you may just walk with her to the bathroom and help her 'go'.

God Bless..
my mom is 87also- she needs help dressing and is now being
"cleaned up" after she goes-to the bathroom-in the toilet-
my concern is that the aides fron the agency seem to think
it is asolutely neessary,after every visit to the b room,to lean her up by the sink,wipe her-etc.she gets very upset-she screams somtimes.and as a result she tried to hold it in to because she knows-well she feels she will be attacked again-
thats how she interprets it- she complains they are too rough,but it is a very tender area, and that they touch her everywhere-its a big problem-she feels she is laughed at when she has a bm in her pullups(diaper undies
)i dont think they are trying to hurt her,but it does,
and i know they have to,but she wants to do it herself,and we know that it wont be a very good job-cant she have some privacy,try and clean herself,sometimes,but before bed-and in the morning, could that be when the aides help clean her?
does anyone else have this problem?or know how to deal wit it
so that she can keep some dignity?at lest while she knows whats going on?
Is this care is being done at your home? If it is TALK TO THE AGENCY about their policies and YOUR wishes!! Of course your mother is going to feel violated! I would! It is necessary to help her 'cleanup' after a BM, etc, but it is NOT necessary to make her feel violated. I am not a 'health care' provider by trade, but I know how sensitive our elders can be. I would be the same way!!

Talk to the agency... talk to the 'aide' about your concerns AFTER you have talked to their supervisor. Perhaps they need to revamp how she is 'handled'.

There are 'bidet'' type aparatus that can be added to the toilet to help in cleansing. But something needs to be done to change how she feels.

My mother was the same way when she was in rehab. SHE would strike out when someone 'put their hands down there' and why SHOULDN'T SHE!!! They told me she was combative, but she wasn't with the right 'aide' helping her.

I don't know what agency you are using, but talk to someone about their procedures. The training, the people, everything. Let them know the problem your mother is having, and how they handle this. If their answer is VAGUE...look for another agency. People that are familar with working with ALZ patient/ even just the elderly have to understand their concerns and how to GENTLY handle them.

The aide should be explaing what they are doing BEFORE they do it, explaining that they are there to help, and they are not 'peeking' so not to worry. Also, THEIR demeanor is paramont!! If they are laughing or talking to much.. this will be construed as 'laughing at me' I heard this all the time. CALM slow motions are best around our elders!

How did I learn all this? Well a right upper cut (boom) from my mother helped drive it home.... LOL and of course her displeasure with my actions. With help from the aides, she was agreeable, even thankful for their help!

It makes a difference and I am proud of you that you are being her advocate!!! Keep working on it! God Bless..
This is one of the worst problems we face. My mom just recently got more messier in tolieting that if left alone and she has gone poo will NOT wipe up correctly and then the poo is just in the depends. Wish is not so bad if it just a little and bathtime will either be that day or at least the next, it's a matter that the our caregiver or myself feel that if left unchecked could cause more ailments like rash and worse infections. So even though she screams I would rather have my mom clean than poopie. And I try to explain to my mom....which is difficult that she needs a bath every other day for cleanliness, she really does not like taking baths...but I rather have her clean and a little ticked off than messy. Hope that helps in that perspective.
My mother didn't like to use tub or shower so I bought one of the bidet units to attach to the toilet. While the bidet is working, I can wash her with a washcloth by the sink. The bidet unit is a little pricey but worth every penny spent. You would have to help with the bm times but the rest of the time, just push a button to wash the front and then the button for the back of the bottom. I run in two to three times a day while she on the toilet and push a button. It keeps that bottom area clean and very easy for the care taker to do.
that sounds good- where did u get yours?
I just called Home depot to see if they had the bidet attachment and they said yes, look in the plumbing dept or ask someone to help you. I got our bidet attachment at a European bath and kitchen store here in my little city. You can get one with a seat that will heat if you live up north. There is a water tank that keeps the water warm. I had to have an electrician put in a wall socket close to the toilet . My husband plumbed it in to the toilet. Good luck. It is a wonderful invention.
I'm glad my suggestion for the bidet is so widely used, but I have to say there is still the issue of how "Mom" feels. The aides need to be more sensitive to your Mother and her feelings and concerns. No one wants their loved one to be 'poopie' but I also don't want them to feel violated either. I'm sure you all will agree with me. More emphasis needs to be on the WHOLE person. Make them feel comfortable and you can get them to do most anything.

If the tables were turned and it was you, how would you feel. Add any level of confusion to this and you may understand more how she feels.

God Bless... and Happy New Year!!
I can relate to this my mother live withme for a year she was preety independent when she came to live wioth me she always took sponge bathes than I seen drastic changes in the beiging of the summer she wasnt getting washed up. or brshing and cleaning her dnetures i had a ahrd time getting her to tak e showers my friend had to help me out she got so difficult for nay one to care for heri had to put my mom in a nursing home mom was in the late end of life stages of alz demenstia I lost her December 10. whern she came here to live withme didnt want to take showers because she was fearful of falling i offered tohelp her she wantd to do every thing herself when it came ddown to sponge bathes than she just stoped . my mom was 92 years old.. i had a hard time getting her to change herclothes, many times she was so confused would start sceaming she couldnt find the bathroom and went on the floor in her bedroom another time on the lving room floor she was on depends. aound NOvember is hen she got reallly bad was bed ridden than she wason diapers at the home she wa in still use the toilet. i had to get her 24 hour out side care she stopped eatting and couldnt walk any more this desease is so horiible it happened so quick i lost my mom ,,,

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