Dealing With The Caregiving Deck You're Dealt

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Just when I was feeling low, my mother said to me, "I really don't believe God gives you more than you can handle." I sure hope she's right. There are days when I wonder.


My fortune cookie said that "Luck helps those who help themselves." I wonder how much more luck I'll have from helping others. On a side note it also told me the lucky lotto numbers are 1, 7, 26,34,40, 45
I just recently came into the caregiving field. My husband had brain surgery and is requiring caregiving. I am 55 and he is 76. I do have help, nurses aid, nurses, therapy and this will last until March. I am a working wife and am able to take off and still get paid. However, the only source that enabled me to be able to take care of him in ways I did not know I could do these things, is God. I have been blessed with knowledge, sources of help and protection beyond my comprehension. When I first began this journey at home with him, I thought I had reached my end. It was VERY frustrating. So, I turned to God, gave it up to him, studied about anger and patience. I am now putting it into practice. I still have a long ways to go, but He has a hold of my hand He will not leave me alone ever.
I recently moved my mentaly handi cap diabetic brother in-law in with me. He does thing that drive me crazy. If i dont watch him close he will eat every thing in the house. I have told him over and over he can not eat like that there are other people in that house that need food to, But he keeps doing it .Any idea's. This man is 53 yrs old and the other day i took him to the eye dr. it was the first time he had ever been to one.He does little things that could get him into trouble things he never done before. Dont know what to do to make him understand what he can do and cant because telling him is not working.I dont want him to go to a home. I made a promis to his mom before she passed i would take care of him. I took care of her and he was not this bad then could it be because of her passing this is going on? I need to go back to work but cant leave him alone. And have no one that will stay with him.I dont know were to turn.
My husband has a Down's brother who is fortunate enough to live in a group home. The only reason he got in is because his brother and sister-in-law, who are both doctors, donate their time to the care of those in the home. So I know we are lucky. But, there are community programs for day care that might help ease your burden. Getting him out of the house for periods of time may make this easier for you.

I am not a doctor but my guess is that your brother-in-law really is reacting to the death of his mother. The mentally handicapped can be extremely sensitive to situations and after all, this was probably the person who dedicated her life to keeping him at home. That's a big loss.

You are a very giving person to take this on and I wish you well. Look into the day care for some relief. Look up your state's Dept. of the Mentally Retarded and Develomental Disabilities. They should be able to point you to more local help.

Extra prayers for you!

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