Caregiving as a way to inherit stuff?

Started by

Anyone else getting the feeling that many caregivers care about the pot at the end of the rainbow and not the person?

I'm beginning to believe there are many who would be amenable to the 'death panels' so many talk about re National Health Care by some of the posts.

I'm of the firm belief that when a loved one needs nursing home care and the government 'takes' half their money, then that relieves us taxpayers of having to foot the entire bill. Yet, many believe that their loved ones saved this money for them.

Parents don't owe their children anything. If they are wealthy, sure, but many of our parents are not wealthy and the government has to step in to foot the bill. Anytime the government does this, it should be seen more as a gift, not a burden.


Some believe it because it's what their parents told them their entire life. My husband is up in Spokane right now dealing with his mother "the kid gets it all", who supposedly had care insurance, only to find out that "care insurance" was for a place that required her to sign over all assets. So much for her will, and for "the kid gets it all".

And no, he would NOT be amenable to death panels. He's just in shock. He was raised in this house from the time he was 2 (he's 64 now). He'd planned on it staying in the family. It probably will, we'll just have to move up north, so we can become caregivers to not only my mother, but his mother as well.

We also believe that the state should not foot the bill if there are assets to pay. However, they don't generally take half the money - it's generally all of it.

And yes, my mother and father also saved this money for us. My mother is still alive, and works very hard to not touch the principal. She's very proud that she's left something for her heirs. If she absolutely has to go into a nursing home, we'll put her there. We believe it's cheaper to hire homecare help as needed.
Yup I hear you!

Yup, there are definitely people who think they have a right to their parents' money no matter what the parents need themselves. And there are people who do the caregiving hoping for a reward in the will.

But it doesn't seem to be the majority, at least not of caregivers on this site.

I think that caregivers should be compensated for their work. I think it should be at the time the work is performed, not delayed until after the recipient's death.
i didn't read your post carefully yet, sorry, will do so later, had another bad day with my mother, nonstop insanity from sun up until sun down, and it's still going on.

i for one didn't ask for this gig, to the contrary. like Klinger in Mash, i've been trying to get out of here pretty much since day one, all of those efforts have failed.

i'd be willing to bet a large percentage of those here didn't ask for this gig either, it just happened, whether by default, meaning the other kids refused to help, or in many cases disability, a child ends up injured, physically/mentally, happens to be living at home when everything hits the fan with mom and/or dad. the three of them are then on the titanic together, that's exactly how it feels.

the notion that any amount of money can compensate someone for this is laughable,
no one in their right mind subjects themself to this kind of unending torture 24x7.
it's not the sort of thing one can get over or feel good about, ever i think. it's very rare to read a story here with a happy ending. most are not so pleasant.

many of us here have morals and ethics, would never wish harm upon a loved one, no matter how abusive and sick they may be. and most of us are not stupid enough to risk landing in h-e-l-l for all eternity, no matter how upset we may be due to horrific circumstances beyond our control with a family member we care for.
Well here in Ireland land was and still is everything handed down generation to generation. Still and the main part of the "depresssion" here in Ireland now is peoples obsession with land its in our blood!!

My mum was left a share in the house by her parents and so it goes on.... my mum and alot here in Ireland would rather DIE alone at the bottom of the stairs not to be discovered for a week than hand over her house to a NH and thats what she intends to do WHY she wants US to have it. My self and my two brothers want whats best for her care my sisters would rather she die at the bottom of stairs bla bla than have any of her inheritence taken away! Go figure! As long as im here holding the fort on my own and looking after mum thier inheritence is safe but id rather have my life back and mum safe in a NH than any part of this house.
I just wish you hadn't mentioned a rare happy ending, shakingoffdust. That wasn't something I needed to be reminded of today.
i dont think any elder wants to see their assets gobbled up at end of life and especially by a sick system where corporations profit and care home employees work for sustenance wages . ( if that ) .
if the elder wants to be in their home and someone in the family is willing to make it happen , good for them if the assets are saved and passed down .
thats fair enough , imo . jeanne gibbs makes a great point tho . best be compensated legally as the work progresses than to run the all or nothing risk of being badly damaged near the end . the gamble will scare you to death , as you lose wages and jeopardize your own future by caregiving .
i had a sharp tongued aps lady told me once i should be paying half of mine and moms bills . on what planet does one caregive for no compensation then pay half of the elders household bills ?
not too bright , that one . the next time we met she never said a word while her co worker and i conversed . she must have sensed id bite her face off ..
There'd be more $ in medicaid if the government would stop giving it out to people who never paid into it.. And I don't mean spouses!!!
"I just wish you hadn't mentioned a rare happy ending, shakingoffdust. That wasn't something I needed to be reminded of today."

sorry. what i meant was we all end up dead, the details of getting to that state are irrelevant as far as i am concerned, i'm basically sitting here watching my mother fade before my eyes. anyone who's happy about that should have their head examined imo. sorry if i offended you, i suggest not reading my posts; a lot of people don't like them here, in fact i see something here like your words almost every day.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support