My sister just called me in a total freak out. She just came back from taking my Dad to have his bottom teeth pulled, the probable source of his sepsis. He comes home from rehab tomorrow after many weeks of treatment and therapy. The good news is he is doing well. The bad news is he and my Mom still refuse to do ANYTHING about their lack of finances (they have plenty of resources but nothing is liquid). They have no cash, none, not even to buy groceries.
My sister takes care of Dads medical stuff and my brother has been helping my Mom sort out the bills but he does not have POA. My parents keep sabotaging his efforts to help them get the ball rolling to bring in revenue from their assets. I have been going to the rehab a few times a week to spend time with Dad then back to their house to give Mom some time. We have all been working hard.
Anyway, my sister made it very clear that arrangements for payment to the dentist must be made ahead of time and she told my brother what he needed to do to help my parents procure care credit which the dentist had agreed to accept. He gave the info to my parents and my Mom told him not to worry, it was taken care of. Much to my sisters horror, when they went to settle out after Dads procedure, the dentists clerk told her nothing had been done and asked for payment in full. She said both of my parents just stared ahead with blank expressions and said nothing. My sister did not know what to do , she said she would have my brother call in later in the day Dads credit card info. When she called my brother he was livid and told her that all their cards were maxed out. Accusations flew and terrible things were said between my siblings. Whats sad is neither one of them are to blame. They are doing their best but my parents will not do their part.
My sister called me, furious at my brother. I let her vent then I carefully explained that our brother was also at his wits end. She calmed down and decided to call our brother and apologize (not something she does very often). I hope my brother apologizes back. We need to work together.
My sister and I are hoping that the three of us can get together to talk about moving forward. It is clear our hands are tied when it comes our parents choices. They will not listen to any of us and I have a terrible feeling they expect us to cover them financially which is something none of us can do. I talked to Dads case worker about setting him up with meals on wheels (which he says he does not want) and I can bring food a couple times a week but they need way more than that. They get social security but that won't even touch their monthly bills because they still have a small business which is not bringing anything in and still has overhead to meet.
They will not even consider talking to an elder finance attorney, as was suggested here, so that is out of the question. It is pointless for us to talk to anyone since we have no power. I don't know what to do. Do we just sit back and let the chips fall? Can I call elder protective services? What would I even say? At this point none of us want anything to do with POA even if they would agree. We are all fine with the state taking over when the time comes.
There are so many more details I could go into but I would be writing into next week...what a mess.