Am I bad person?

Started by

My mom died almost a month now but I still cry everyday. My mom had a stroke 7 yrs ago and left her paralyzed on her left body she couldnt walk on her own. I was her caregiver. To make matters worst she was diagnosed with stage 5 chronic kidney disease and that was what she died from. Severe renal failure. She died in her sleep whickh i find out in the morning when i was about to wake her up to have out routine of having coffee together, the night before she died, she called to me 3x just to say that she is going to sleep. She never does that, i feel so bad i wish i had known. I wish i could taken her to the hosp. Pls somebody help me. Am i a bad person?


Dear Sed, you poor dear ! Of course you're not a bad person! You couldn't possibly have known your mother was going to die on any particular night.

It sounds as if your mom was at the end of a long road with kidney failure. Sometimes, we know in our heads that the end could be soon, but it doesn't make our hearts any less broken when the time comes!

I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear mom. You did the best for her. Now is the time to be kind to yourself. Of course you're sad every just lost your mom.

There are some good threads on here dealing with grief that you might to check out. Please take care, and be comforted by your happy memories of your mom.
Thank you. ur comment made me cry but it comforted me in some ways. I dreamed of her twice that we woke up that morning. It still feels surreal that she is gone.
Sed, I'm sorry i made you cry! Not my intention!

I'd like you to think about paying a visit to your doctor in the next month or so, not because you're sad, but because most caregivers put off the "routine maintenance". I want you to make sure you're up to date on colonoscopy, mamo and pap, bone density, etc. Make sure that you aren't deficient in any vitamins. Go to the dentist as well. Make sure you don't have any lingering health issues that should be looked after. Your mom would want you to do that!
Sed, no of course you are not a bad person! If anything, you were a wonderful daughter and caregiver! Grieving always make us ask ourselves these questions of should have, could have, but you didn't do anything wrong! Be sure to look into grief counseling, as it is early days yet. There will be many different stages that you will go through, and understanding them as they come, will help you to understand how they are affecting you. My thoughts are with you over the loss of your Mom! HUGS!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support