I know I'm not supposed to let Mom get to me emotionally...

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She won't stop complaining. She is in terrible pain can hardly do anything. Brother knows it but wont do much to help. Im sure he isnt making her food. She said the woman who does her laundry and light housekeeping is there righ now making her salmon cakes to eat. That lady shouldnt be there today. Dont know if momcalled her or lady called mom and said she would come over. I said make my brother help you. I know that got nowhere but I am so frustrated with both of them.

I'll go have a cup of tea and try to calm down.



You have mentioned your brother suffers from a "personality" disorder. Is it possible that his disorder is as debilitating for him as yours is for you and this is what prevents him from either recognizing or acting upon your mothers care needs?
No. He sure does recognize her needs. He is just lazy. And angry at her and in general. I get angry at her too. She won't listen to suggestions that might help her and is constantly complaining.

Family dynamics can be difficult to work around. I wonder if it might be feasible for your mom to get care from others, such as in Assisted Living, and you and your brother could visit and comfort her from your own homes. That way, you could be assured she's well cared for and wouldn't have to worry so much.

I'm not familiar with your situation. Have you tried that yet?
She cant aford it. I keep trying to let me get home care person to help her. No is her answer. Various reasons. One is she cant afford it. She can. Even if I offer to help pay its always no. She is rigid and the family situation is very complicated. She is codependent with brother. Protective of him and afraid of him at the same time.
Okay. I read some of your prior posts about her. So, if her mind is competent, but she just has some medical ailments, that she is resistant about, she'll have to make do with her own decisions. You can only do so much. There are services for seniors who are in need of help due to disabilities if they qualify financially and healthwise. If she refuses to apply, that's her choice.

Maybe, if you didn't hop to her whims, she'd cut down on her demands. Who knows, though. Seniors are often stubborn and seldom do they change. You can change your reaction to her. I think your reactions are deeply ingrained though.

It sounds like you are overly focused on pleasing her, but from your posts, that is not likely to happen. It's not a perfect world and things are not likely to be perfect or even close to perfect with her situation and your brother. I think I would learn to do what I would consider reasonable and let the rest go. Being hyperfocused on situation you can't control is futile.

From the way you sound, I think a counselor might help with that. I wish you the best.

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