Caring for Dad (86) is getting old already.

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My dad has lived with us now for about 9 months. Insist add he and his little dog. I'm 49 married with 2 teenage kids. I know the change is hard on him but he doesn't seem to think it's hard on the rest of us. We cook dinner and he pockets the meats to give to his dog later on top of ice cream every night.he also goes through candy bars like crazy and shares them also with his dog. I have to wash sheets almost daily because he gets chocolate all over them. I've asked him to sit when in the bath room cuz he misses every time so he now uses a jar in his room that I have to empty all day long. If we are lucky he will bath once a week he wears depends but thinks nothing of wearing them for long period of times even when wet. If he can't find something he blames me for moving it even if it falls on the floor and don't hey me started with the TV. If that's not working it's also my fault. Last night he accused me of hurting his dog I'm
The only one that cares for the dog. He is do negative and it's changed the way my kids look at him such is sad they used to love to see papa but not now. I find myself top toeing around just so he won't see me. It's just really sad. I'm the only child do I'm it as far as caregiving goes. He tried living on his own and I would go to his place several times a week until he let some shady people move in with him he thought they were his friends they were leaches I had to kick them out. I just feel lost and feel bad fir my family. He only has a small SS check so I don't think he can go to a facility plus he wouldn't anyway. If I where to tell him
It's not working he'd just pack up and probably live in his car. I guess I'd just like to know if there is anyone out there in the same boat. Sometimes I wake up early just to have a few moments to myself cuz I know when his door opens it all starts over. Lately his dog has needed to go to the bath room during the night and this wakes up myself and my husband cuz dad starts yelling for the dog to come inside. We are both to tired. Anyone in my shoes have any fords of wisdom???

4 Comments

If your Dad was a teenager doing that all, what would you do? Don't treat him any different than if he was 16 years old.

As for the candy bars? Who's bringing those into the house? If your Dad is going out to buy them, then he's able to wash his own sheets when they get dirty.
P.S. Are you sure your Dad is giving the dog chocolate? Chocolate will make a dog deathly sick.
Yes he is giving the dog candy. He is the one buying the candy if I left it to him his sheets would never get washed. This is so not the man who raised me. Just not sure how much longer I or my family can put up with him. I feel bad even thinking like this.
My main wonder is why you are doing all these things for him when he is capable of doing them himself. If he won't do them, fine. They won't get done. Changing sheets often because they have chocolate on them is a bit much. Maybe you could change this once a week or so, if at all. And emptying his pee jar? That would so not happen at this house. He could empty his own jar. And if he was capable, but wanted me to be a personal slave, he could find another place to live.

I get mad when my mother takes advantage of me. Your dad would drive me to the beyond with his behavior. You need to have a talk about what is expected of him, and if he doesn't like what you say, he can always choose to find a new place. The choice is up to him. You aren't a slave.

While you're at it. Some things don't matter that much. Elder care has taught me that the house doesn't have to be totally clean, as long as it's clean enough. I had to lower my standards or my mother's sloppiness would have driven me bonkers.

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