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We have been advised mum has vaginal bleeding and could be a sign of cancer. We have decided not to put mum through prodding poking and trauma of going to outpatients. We have asked just for palliative care to look out for pain and to give mum a dignified death. She is 81 and has had this disease for around 14 years.

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Ruby Mum had had this for 14 years, why was this not addressed 14 years ago.
Post menopausal bleeding is very common and often no significant disease is found on investigation.
First of all find out what prodding and poking the Drs are recommending. Something simple like a CT scan or MRI could give them a very good idea what is going on. A pelvic examination would be a good first step and although something most older women don't fancy would also allow a diagnosis to be suggested. at the same time PAP smear could be obtained which is painless.
A lot depends on Mum's general health, quality of life and whether or not she or you would want further treatment. if the decision is to let sleeping dogs lie then do nothing otherwise get a diagnosis and then decide what to do going forward.
Who advised you that this could be a sign of cancer? This of course is true it could be but if she has had cancer for 14 years she would probably be dead by now. The thing I would be watching most of all is the amount of blood she is loosing because of the danger of anemia and the possible need for an iron supplement.
All in all it really depends on the quality of Mum's life and her general state of physical and mental health. Did this advice come from a Dr caring for Mum or just a caregiver?
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That's what I have been told about testing. Is there any reason to test, if you aren't going to proceed with treatment? Is there any chance that under the circumstances she would want surgery, chemo, etc. Also, ask would any of those treatments be an option for her.

My dad is almost 80, but, in pretty good health. Still, I can't imagine him agreeing to surgery or any treatment that would make his quality of life less.

Is your mom competent? What does she want? Does she have any instruction for something like this?

I chose Palliative Care for my LO, because that's what she always said she wanted. It's a personal decision, so, I would apply what you know about your mom and what she wants.
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Who has already done the advising? A gynaecologist? An oncologist? Your mother's GP?

When families have to make clinical decisions, there is nothing wrong with relying on the advice of the attending doctors. Barb's geriatrician sums it up well; so the conversation you want to be having with your mother's doctors is about what, in their clinical judgment, is genuinely going to serve your mother's welfare best.

You would expect them to support your preference not to subject your mother to uncomfortable, intrusive and probably pointless messing about; so if they still recommend testing they need to provide you with extremely good reasons for doing it.

So: no, you are not wrong. But even more to the point, you shouldn't be having to make this decision alone.
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Ruby, I'm unclear as to what your mom has a dx of? Dementia? Cancer?

A wise getiatrician told me years ago " don't do the test if you're not going to do the treatment". In this case, would you subject your mom (if she has dementia ) to hysterectomy, radiation or chemo?
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