so glad to have found this forum. My mom is 71. Lives in a different state on her own. She’s no longer married. My dad and her divorced when I was 17 (I’m 47 now). Her second husband died after 2 yrs of marriage. She got remarried about 17 years after the divorce. She has two kids but my sister is incredibly selfish rude and uncaring. I don’t even have a relationship with her anymore so therefore my mom relies on ME for everything.
What I notice is my mom has major expectations for me and my kids to be her source of fulfillment. We don’t live in the same state but she is constantly suggesting one of us visit. All of my children are either in college or getting master degrees. No one has the time or desire to spend their little free time with her. She often suggests we go on a cruise. I don’t want to take a week vacation and go on a cruise with my mom. My PTO is so very precious and two of my kids play college sports. I use many of my vacation days to watch them play but she often expects us to have her at the center of our lives the way when we did when were all much younger. I find her expectations to be assuming and very uncaring. I’m also somewhat bitter because I saw this going to happen 10 years ago and encouraged her to get a stronger friend network. I do visit my mom here and there or she will come here 2 or 3x a year and stay much longer but even when she comes to visit she is expecting everyone to take time and be here when she’s here. In college, kids play their sports over Thanksgiving break as they have bowls and tournaments. Her last comment was why did I let them play this damn sport when a ball isn’t as important as a grandparent.
In addition, she seems to be SUPER self-focused lately. I don’t know what it is but she talks about herself ALL THE TIME. I can mention something about my kids and she will speak over me to talk about a story re me when I was a kid and her as the mom in the story. She does this often. I hate to even talk about things because she finds a way to insert herself as the main character.
Also, she repeats herself. ALL THE TIME. It is the most annoying thing for her to tell me something she already told me...again!!! I have even cut her off and said yes you told me this but she’ll continue and share the same exact miniscule details. That’s another thing. She has to tell everything in extreme detail. She can’t just say “oh I went to the doctor everything is progressing” I have to hear the nurse who checked her on and her history with said nurse and then the conversations with the doctor word for word. It turns a 2 minute topic into a 20 min topic. It’s staggering and I’m wondering if she’s taking to hear herself talk!!
I feel like my mom is declining and prob lonely but I’m so aggravated she let her life get to this point where she has no one to lean on but me. Are these behaviors anything I need to be worried about like dementia? I love my mom but I find her so annoying the last couple of years and I don’t appreciate the emotional manipulation.