I'm 73. How do I handle rejection from my male friend that's 74?

Saying I love you is easy. Showing it is another thing. Does he really meet all your needs or most? They say you need to be with someone for a year before you see there real colors. He may now be showing his.

If he was totally satisfied and really loved you, he wouldn't be looking somewhere else. At our age time goes by faster and faster. You really shouldn't be wasting that time. We aren't teenagers anymore. Hopefully, you r not living together. If so, think about getting separate places. You need to get involved in other things and friends. If he asks to go out to dinner, OK, but until there is some kind of committment you can date and see other people.

He sounds like a waste of time. Why would you want to be involved with someone especially at this stage who is basically disrespectful? Let him waste his Viagra on someone else. There is more to life than sex. Companionship would be nice but I doubt he is the right candidate for that.

After my last post to you, I’ve continued to think about my relationships to my current husband and my first husband, who recently died. I fell in love with my first husband at 17, married him at 22, and was faithful until our marriage was failing. There wasn’t much about our relationship histories that we didn’t originally know. I was then a single mother for 20 years, and married my second husband in our 50s. By then we each had a complex relationship history, only some of which we have disclosed.

You know that no new relationship can replace a 37 year marriage. It will be very different, and this is part of the difference. A very generous woman who had just been painfully dumped, recently posted “It doesn't mean they don't care, and maybe not every one we meet has to understand everything in order to add value to our lives? And maybe us to theirs?”.

If this relationship doesn’t survive for you, I hope that your hurt won’t stop you from looking again. If you can both cope with the differences, it can be so much better than being lonely.

Yours in sisterhood

Jeni -

I don't think too many people can handle rejections well. If you can just flick off rejections like a fly, then you most likely didn't care much for the person who rejected you.

For example, if some random person passes you on the street and tells you he doesn't like you, you probably couldn't care less. That's because that person is insignificant and unimportant to you. He has no place in your life. He doesn't mean anything to you.

But since you care a great deal for your boyfriend, he holds a significant spot in your life and your heart. And that's the very reason why when he rejects you, it hurts so much.

In order for you to get over the rejection, you have to go through the process in reverse. You have to get him from a place of significance and importance to a place of irrelevance.

How to do that is a long process for a lot of people. You will have to find other things to do to replace the time and attention that used to be devoted to him. Chat with friends, go out with friends, join a group, join a class, date someone else, pick up a new hobby, start a project, watch movies, read books, write journal, volunteer, etc.. Eventually, you will think of him less and less.

Most people will advise to not date again so soon after a breakup, but the truth is the quickest way to get over someone is to date someone else.

Also, very important, do not ever allow his rejection to make you think less of yourself. Good luck. And I am really sorry that you're hurting.

I’d say wait for a little while. Your friend was quite possibly using the on-line dating site before you met, and may be curious to see what’s going on there. My husband and I did the same thing, though we usually told each other about it. We have been married 19 years, after meeting on-line, and the last time we checked the site was about a year ago. Just for interest, to see whether it’s changed and whether things are just as difficult for people now. However we weren’t contacting people on the site, or arranging to meet them. Curiosity isn’t rejection.

Blokes of this age can get very interested in sex. Their bodies are changing, their time for experimenting is running out, and they wonder what they are missing. I have at times reminded mine about just what he is and isn’t missing! If your friend is actively looking for other women, after a few weeks, then it is rejection and it is as hard as rejection always is. You need to tell him how you feel about it, so that he does get a chance to make a real choice. It is a pity to wait until you are so fed up that you have cut the emotional tie, before he knows that it is on the line. Look after your heart. xxx