My 82 year old mobility challenged mom is still living in the house I grew up in, but has completely stopped taking care of it. It is no longer safe or sanitary for her to live in. I have no doubt she is deeply depressed, but she has refused counseling, cleaning help, or taking any other measures to make her situation better. She is still considered of sound mind despite her horrible decision making. I have even had social services pay her a visit to no avail. I manage all of her medicine and bills and am working on obtaining POA.
My 39 year old drug addicted brother further complicates things. He has been a drug addict, in and out of jail for over 20 years. My mother is the classic enabler. He has full access to her bank cards, checks etc., she even bought him a car. He let his "friends" into her home, they turned it upside down and stole many of her treasured possessions. Then he totaled the car she bought for him and was arrested with her debit card, heroin and cocaine in his possession. Her response? She paid for his defense attorney. She is as vulnerable to his lies as she has ever been, due to her declining health and memory. Never mind the fact that there is no chance of recovery for my brother as long as the two of them are living in such a codependent way.
The stress and guilt I feel is horrendous, and I feel physically ill every time I have to go to my mom's home for something. We used to be extremely close, but this has changed the dynamic of our relationship entirely. My every day is spent trying to minimize the impact of the chaos. At least when my brother is in jail I know one risk factor is lessened. He has just arrived home from jail and I am struggling with how to manage Christmas.
I have no other siblings, but I am blessed by a very supportive husband and network of friends, and I do see a counselor to help me cope.
Is anyone experiencing a similar situation? Any advice?