When can I use power of attorney?

If your mother is still of sound mind, you can only exercise the POA if she says you can. If she asks you to take over bill-paying, for example, you can do that for her.

You may not be able to control your mother's actions, but you can control your own. If you are providing all the help she needs, why should she decide to have in-home care? Who wouldn't rather have a loved relative taking care of them than a stranger?

But that doesn't mean you have to continue providing all the care yourself. If you "resign" from that position, Mother will be forced to reconsider accepting aid.

And if you decide that you are willing to continue providing her care all yourself, then I hope you are getting paid for that. (This helps keep the inheritances, if any, fair.) Draw up a personal care agreement, spelling out what you are doing and what Mother is paying you.

On another topic, it can be very challenging to have multiple people as co-POAs. ALL of you have to agree before anything can happen. It is generally much better to have one person the POA and the others back-ups. Would your mother consider this change?

My sister and I have both medical and durable POA, plus we are both named trustee's and executors" of my father's Trust. Some POA have limited use, if your POA has full use, you can handle finances, selling a home, and items like that. The medical POA gives you the power to make and act on medical decisions. The way I understand it, is, your POA does not give you the power to force your mom to except or pay for in=home care, nor does it give you power to move her into a nursing home. To do that you can use your POA, doctor's orders, etc. and go to court to obtain guardianship. Obtaining guardianship is not easy, and if your mom is good in mind, she has the right to make her own decisions. My sister and I had some of the same problems. My dad was sound in mind, but could no longer live by himself, and he has rights, we had to talk to him, over and over, you can find my past post, he is now living in a Assistant Living Fac, and he loves it.