My brother has been stealing money from my mom's money market and credit accounts over 2 years, was supposedly the POA. I confronted him and now we're in the process of finding out all the damage he did. He hasn't been forthcoming about any of her papers I've requested like wills, medical directive, POA. Turns out he never had the POA done 2 yrs ago when he put her in asst'd living. So we have legal and paperwork messes. He hired one of his town buddies to prepare the docs, a family law practitioner. This guy emails me as if I am some leech. He claims he will only send a copy of the dual power of attny, with me on it! to me if my mom agrees. He ignored my request to be put on speakerphone for the meetings, (I live 1500 miles away)

Tonight I finally wrote this asshole an email telling him how much I handle for my mom, and that I am wading thru financial messes my brother created for our mom's finances. I wish I could drop the bombshell of how many actions by my brother qualify as felonies, but I am waiting patiently to see how to approach this. Plus I want that POA completed so I have a legal document.

Have any of you gotten the 'distrust lawyer ego/attitude' when another family member deals with the legal stuff, yet you're trying to get equal inclusion in the process, knowing the other sibling has actually committed offenses?

Other Elder Law attnys in my brother's state/town have quoted 5,000 retainers to start a case. Hah, as if I can afford that on my SSDI income. feeling screwed.


This is draining me so much....

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Appreciate your fine thoughts. In the last few days I finally broke, called the bank, sent her the forgery documents, told her all of it. The branch manager was suspiciously not too worried...she told me unless my mom wanted to prosecute she couldn't do anything, this is not true! A crime is a crime, no matter who reports it or prosecutes. She's another 20-year friend of my brother! Stay away from the Carrboro, NC branch of SunTrust, they suck as a bank anyway.

Today I am contacting the fraud division of the bank and going above her. I also realized for the first time *in my life* at 54, what a racket my brother and dad pulled on dad was violent, aggressive, brother is the same, but channels his aggression and anger into stealing and lying. Then he charms everyone who isn't family. His sons were screwed up, one tragically killed himself about 4 years ago, the other is as nasty as my brother is, still drifting at 33, no direction, taking handouts from his dad, my mom and his own mother. The light finally went off last night. I don't have to protect him, the men anymore..and the WOMEN in this family have always gotten the brunt of the men's hostility in one form or the other. Abusive relationships, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc. No more of me, hiding the actions of the men in this family. I truly see it in such an oddly clear division like this. It's historical, I can look back on family scenes from 30 years and see this dynamic. And this whole scam against my mom just brought it to a very clear head.

My mom at 89 is also under the spell of my brother, as when we (my sister and me) grew up and my dad was violent, she never protected us, never stopped him, just sat there crying. She is easily swayed in a situation like this when it comes to my not want to prosecute, but I DO. And I want to be careful not to do this because of family history revenge..but for the reasons we know, that legally, he has committed felonies.

I feel better, more hopeful, more positive, calmer about things and my own possibilities today, than in a year or more. I think this weight of playing the family racket of the women covering up or taking the shit the men doled out for generations, is over for me and it feels damn good.

and thanks, sistahs, for your reinforcement of the right way forward--will report as things happen!

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Why haven't you brought in law enforcement?
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My mother had problems like these when her sister had a new will written and it made her POA and all kinds of things. She used the father-in-law, a Judge Hastings no less, of her nephew to do the work. It was a total mess from A to Z. My mother and her sisters got together at the family home in Ohio and basically lambasted my aunt! My mother's attorney here in West Virginia had written down all the specifics that my aunt could be charged with and so did my mom's other sisters in Ohio. Presented with the legal action that could result in a nice stay in the Ohio State Penitentary my aunt and her husband did a total reverse of position and became extremely compliant. You may need to just follow the legal route and go to the state's bar association on the attorney and the state's elder abuse programs. Many attorneys would gladly take this case that handle elder abuse, which includes ripping parents off of their hard earned savings, among other activities. Prosecute your brother and have him spend jail time for what he has done. No one should do that to their family and get away with it. That is exactly what he is counting on. Nail him to the wall.
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