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My mom is 88 years old and is mentally competent. I have two sisters, but I do the bulk of the helping at this point. One sister and I were talking yesterday, wondering when and how we can use the durable POA that each of us has. For example, Mom is almost at the point where she doesn't want/can't go out for dinner (which I do most nights). Mom won't agree to using her funds (ample) to hire anyone but her house cleaner. She has trouble using the microwave and the oven. My sisters and I cannot cook for her, so that leaves having someone come in and prepare simple meals or deliver them. Mom will never agree to pay for this. Can we use her funds for her care, even though she doesn't approve? She is very tough to deal with, and I am, frankly, getting exhausted fulfilling all her demands (although I love her dearly!). She feels that she has three daughters and it's up to us to care for her. If any of us makes the slightest suggestion that she hire any extra help that she needs, she has a fit. Help, please!

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A POA can write checks on a parent's account. Why are you not doing this? Talk this over with her bank and be sure you bring the POA papers with you that your mother has signed and agreed to.
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Does the Durable POA that you and your sister have jointly say under what conditions it goes into effect or is it already in effect. I think another thing you could point out to your mother is that she trusted you two enough to give you durable POA to make sure she was cared for and it is time to either pay for help in the home or to go to assisted living.
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Have you asked her what she's saving her money for? I mean, isn't that what her money was for in the first place, to take care of her in her old age? Is she saving that money to pass on to you kids when she dies, or is she just stingy? I'd be asking some questions. Sounds like she would benefit from asst. living to me. Maybe it's time to tell her she needs to go that way, or hire some help, because you girls have had it.
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