I have tried in the past to have my mother write down her wishes concerning funeral arrangements. She has always resisted, and often changed her mind as to what she has told me she wanted. However, due to a recent death in the family and seeing many issues that can arise, she now has said she wants no funeral service. Before I sit down with her to actually have something put in writing, I would like to get some input. I know she does not want a wordy obituary about her life, so alternate "life celebrations" is not what she would want. But just saying the deceased requested no funeral services seems rather stark. (And it may turn out that mother does want some kind of service.) How should this be worded for a death announcement? If other family members are very disturbed with foregoing traditional services, what could be simple ways to honor her without going against her wishes?
To honor my mother's wishes, there will be no funeral service. I invite you to please privately celebrate (insert name) memory in your own ways. I know that she will be with us all in spirit. Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.
You don’t do a funeral to please hanger on relatives or please yourself.
Your mother’s life, your mother’s death YOUR MOTHER’S CHOICE.
When my husband died last year, and was cremated, I just put in his obituary that he would be cremated and his ashes scattered at his favorite beach, and that his family would be having a private celebration of his life. His "private celebration of his life" was just myself, my children and grandchildren all going out to eat at a nice restaurant the day we scattered his ashes.
So don't worry about what "other family members" think, as what is most important is the fact that you honor your mothers final wishes. And if you don't want to use the words celebration of life, you can just say that we're going to have a small family gathering to honor her.
"Services will be private."
She had a pre-need burial plan, and was cremated. Due to it being winter AND the national cemetery (dad was a Marine and she could be interred with him) being about 2 hours away, I opted to wait until the nice weather was back!
I only had contact with bros, my kids and one cousin on each side of the family. They were all invited for the burial service, if they wished to go. Few words, etc. I didn't have anything planned, so I suggested we find a nice local restaurant with outdoor seating (virus concerns!) and raise a glass to mom, who outlasted all the others in her generation, passing at age 97!
If she doesn't wish elaborate service, don't do it. Anyone can always have some kind of celebration of her life after the fact.
If she has expressed her wishes to you, is there really a need to have her write it down? Would anyone else in the family object, and if so, do they have any say?
FWIW, one thing my mother and I agreed on was her mantra:
"If you can't be bothered to come see me when I'm alive, don't bother when I'm dead!"
I am facing an odd situation in planning for my own mother’s funeral. For many complicated reasons I will not be planning a public service. For those same complicated reasons, I need to be able to help my own family find some closure with some sort of rite of passage to mark the event. So we will have a private gathering for family so WE may have an opportunity to grieve in a healthy way together. I am letting go of a long history of misery with what I hope will be an example of mercy and forgiveness for my children and grandchildren. I am trying to think of something creative to do with my family like place a brick or bench in her name at a park. Bottom line funerals are for the living.
I actually started to draft an obit for my mother to have on hand. I highlighted her career and said good things. I picked a nice picture. I stated that she will be interred at such and such cemetery in a private family gathering. Then I said that to honor her memory donations can be sent in her name to such and such charity, a cause she was passionate about. Something like that. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If you and your family want to have a gathering or memorial service of some kind when your mother passes away, have one.
My mother says it all the time that she wants nothing too. We tell her we're not rich people and she doesn't like that response. She wants us to beg and plead with her about it, but we don't.
My mother is Irish. There has never been an Irish person rich or poor whose family didn't give them a proper wake. I do tell her that I won't be serving the good whisky because she didn't want a funeral anyway.
It really doesn't surprise me ,because he's all about simplicity.
I plan on scattering his remains near a lighthouse which are one of his favorites.
Regarding the obituary.
Just keep it simple ,and state that there will be no formal service at the request of our beloved one.
Now unless my brother again insists on some form of service, I will not plan any kind of service for mom - as far as mom is concerned - funerals, memorial services and the like are a waste of time as far as she is concerned.
On the other hand, dad's SIL died a few months after he did and my cousins had a funeral service - small town and my aunt was active in the church and the community (town of about 500).
I don't think there is any right or wrong answer. I do believe funerals are happening less and if any service the memorials or celebrations of life.
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