Follow
Share

My mom was 96 years old when she passed and outlived all of her friends, brothers and sisters.


I anticipate this will be a small funeral, maybe 10 people or less. I would be surprised if we get 30 people. I am her closest relative and I have a few Cousins and second Cousins I keep in contact with. I anticipate we may get a few people claiming to be related somehow that I don't even know.


I asked a few close friends if they would join me in the family room before the service, then one of my Cousins told me that would not be appropriate because they aren't family. What about those coming into the room claiming to be somehow related that I don't even know? I'm not asking everyone who attends the funeral, just a few close friends.


I just don't want to wish I would have after the service is over.

Sorry for loss of your mother. I would invite anyone you want and don't worry about what others think .Close friends sometimes are more supportive than family members. Sending thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to earlybird
Report

Your Mom. Your wishes rule over cousins.

A friend of mine said she was given advice on what to wear to her Mother's funeral by some do-gooder, related on not I don't know. She said if she wanted to wear her pjamas & sunglasses she da*n well would. It was her Mom & no-one had the right to tell her how to dress, behave, who to invite & so on.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Beatty
Report

Invite whoever you want in there, of course it's appropriate. Your cousin sounds like a busybody.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to ZippyZee
Report

Your friends are your "chosen" family. If they make you feel supported, then it is right to invite them.

Family isn't just blood relations, it can be anyone you feel close to.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Firstof5
Report

SGeorge24, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Blessings to you during this time.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to SnoopyLove
Report

It’s ridiculous for anyone to worry about “appropriate” when they’re mourning a loss, and about 7 times MORE RIDICULOUS for anyone to say that.

You need to do EXACTLY what makes you feel loved and understood and comfortable.

Your cousin needs to ZIP IT. When SHE (OR HE) plans his or her next funeral, HE OR SHE can run it however which way he or she pleases.

ABSOLUTELY CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AnnReid
Report

Tell your cousin to MYOB.

Funerals are for the comfort of the living, and as your cousin clearly is failing in their task of being adequately comforting to you, you find the need to bring in back-ups.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to MJ1929
Report

I’m sorry for your loss.

This has been a hard road for sure.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to cxmoody
Report

Is the cousin who said this isn't appropriate paying for the funeral?
Then it's none of their business who you want with you in the family room at the funeral home.
If these people are close friends of yours, then they're family to you and belong there to support you. My condolences on your mother. May she rest in peace.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report

I hope this comes off as "funny" as it sounds in my head...
I bet the Cousin wants a "front row seat" and with more Friends than Family cousin may end up in the second row.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Oh my gosh, your cousin is a busybody! It’s YOUR mom. You get to decide. When your cousin holds a funeral for her mom, she can do exactly as she pleases. This isn’t any of her business.

You don’t even owe her an explanation. If you want to say something though, simply say, ‘This is my choice. When I want your opinion I will ask for it.’ I think she will get the point! At least, I hope so. You never know. Some people can be downright dense!

The only constant in life is change. Times are changing. Gone are the days of long gone by with old fashioned protocols. Hopefully, your cousin will learn a valuable lesson.

If she is going to be petty and wag her tongue. So what? Who cares what she thinks? This isn’t about your cousin. It’s about you. If you want it to be private, you can. If you don’t wish for privacy, invite others.

I am so very sorry for your loss. May your mom Rest In Peace.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

Whomever YOU decide to allow in the family room at YOUR mother's funeral is perfectly appropriate. If this cousin gives you grief, put him on the "pay no mind" list. You don't owe him any explanations on your decisions, either.

My deepest sympathies on your loss; I know you have been having a very difficult time these past few months; I hope things can start to get resolved favorably for you in the coming weeks.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to notgoodenough
Report

You can do what you want to do. At one time families were huge and that’s why they created a holding room for them before they “walked down the aisle” in funeral home. We create our own family. The cousin needs to stay out of it. Hugs and prayers sent your way during this time. I’m sorry you are being challenged on your decisions.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sunnydayze
Report

“Family” is anyone that you designate as family. Close friends are often closer and more “important” to you or your loved one than family.
If you had a longtime partner would they not be considered family? how about the neighbor that was there through the good times as well as the heartbreak times, the one you could call at a moments notice and they would do what needed to be done? These are people that are closer than the third cousin that might show up because it is an “obligation”.
I chose not to have my Husband embalmed and because of that they were strict about who “family” was but I did ask my Husbands closest friend if he would like to view with family before the casket was closed. He declined for his own reasons.
You do what you feel right doing. Make the offer if it is accepted great, if declined you have given the option.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Honestly if it were me and you are only thinking about 10 total,, I;d just invite them all in, as at least they bothered to show up and pay their respects. I have never heard of a "family "room before,, just earlier visitation for family. And if anyone shows up claiming to "related",, just welcome them, and ask for their stories about your Mom,, you may learn some new and interesting things? Good luck and God bless
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to pamzimmrrt
Report

If you feel you need the support of your close friends before the funeral, then of course they should join you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Tothill
Report

I see no reason why not. Friends can be ‘family’ too. I think they’d be honored to sit with you all.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to LoopyLoo
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter