My mom was 96 years old when she passed and outlived all of her friends, brothers and sisters.
I anticipate this will be a small funeral, maybe 10 people or less. I would be surprised if we get 30 people. I am her closest relative and I have a few Cousins and second Cousins I keep in contact with. I anticipate we may get a few people claiming to be related somehow that I don't even know.
I asked a few close friends if they would join me in the family room before the service, then one of my Cousins told me that would not be appropriate because they aren't family. What about those coming into the room claiming to be somehow related that I don't even know? I'm not asking everyone who attends the funeral, just a few close friends.
I just don't want to wish I would have after the service is over.
A friend of mine said she was given advice on what to wear to her Mother's funeral by some do-gooder, related on not I don't know. She said if she wanted to wear her pjamas & sunglasses she da*n well would. It was her Mom & no-one had the right to tell her how to dress, behave, who to invite & so on.
Family isn't just blood relations, it can be anyone you feel close to.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You need to do EXACTLY what makes you feel loved and understood and comfortable.
Your cousin needs to ZIP IT. When SHE (OR HE) plans his or her next funeral, HE OR SHE can run it however which way he or she pleases.
ABSOLUTELY CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT.
Funerals are for the comfort of the living, and as your cousin clearly is failing in their task of being adequately comforting to you, you find the need to bring in back-ups.
This has been a hard road for sure.
Then it's none of their business who you want with you in the family room at the funeral home.
If these people are close friends of yours, then they're family to you and belong there to support you. My condolences on your mother. May she rest in peace.
I bet the Cousin wants a "front row seat" and with more Friends than Family cousin may end up in the second row.
You don’t even owe her an explanation. If you want to say something though, simply say, ‘This is my choice. When I want your opinion I will ask for it.’ I think she will get the point! At least, I hope so. You never know. Some people can be downright dense!
The only constant in life is change. Times are changing. Gone are the days of long gone by with old fashioned protocols. Hopefully, your cousin will learn a valuable lesson.
If she is going to be petty and wag her tongue. So what? Who cares what she thinks? This isn’t about your cousin. It’s about you. If you want it to be private, you can. If you don’t wish for privacy, invite others.
I am so very sorry for your loss. May your mom Rest In Peace.
My deepest sympathies on your loss; I know you have been having a very difficult time these past few months; I hope things can start to get resolved favorably for you in the coming weeks.
If you had a longtime partner would they not be considered family? how about the neighbor that was there through the good times as well as the heartbreak times, the one you could call at a moments notice and they would do what needed to be done? These are people that are closer than the third cousin that might show up because it is an “obligation”.
I chose not to have my Husband embalmed and because of that they were strict about who “family” was but I did ask my Husbands closest friend if he would like to view with family before the casket was closed. He declined for his own reasons.
You do what you feel right doing. Make the offer if it is accepted great, if declined you have given the option.