Lives out of town, driving distance, but far enough I cannot, as a single parent of a child with special needs in homeschool, go back and forth. Ten yeas ago this was explained. "You need to move closer with (my other parent)" who wanted to be near the grandchild, but the other did not want to 'babysit.' The spouse has since passed, nobody in the family wants to deal with my remaining parent, who abandoned children from a previous marriage: they will have nothing to do with the situation, one committed suicide recently.
This person rants and raves at me, I understand chronic pain - but I have a life of my own. They constantly get angry when they are not the sun, moon and universe bc of their health struggles which are real, but I cannot do much for as they play games and will not tell anyone who their medical POA is and keep changing their will how it suits their moods, I just have given up; have been warned - no matter how many people try to help, they will not make a decision, had three of us 'looking' for homes for them near us, then got angry when we figured it out. Screams at me, doesn't take my child's vey real diagnosis seriously, tries to direct our lives from there.
Though seems to be genuine in wanting to help us, but cannot at all see how their behavior affects others. I want to pull out my hair. What's my question? What do you do in this case? I suspect nothing. I can do nothing.
so sorry to hear you went through that.
thanks for the warning. although you’re writing to OP, i’ll be trying to learn from you too.
i hope we all, on this website, have a nice sunday.
courage annabelle. i can imagine the anger, frustration, all of it.
i hope very soon you’re healthy and happy!!
I think it's possibly that work may cause me to have to move out of state, or further away bc I'm ready to let this go. I've done what I can, and I am going to etiher have a heart attack or gain 100 more lbs.
So, is this Mom or Dad and how old are they because age makes a difference in how we respond. So, if parent is 50 to70, unless they have major health problems, they are perfectly able to do for themselves. In their 70s, if no major health problems can still do for themselves. (I am 72, husband almost 75) Now 80s and above, may start needing some help.
My daughter has suffered from IBS since about 5. Certain foods she cannot tolerate. (over the years she has narrowed down which ones) Spaghetti sauce is one. I could not get my MIL to understand this. Have u read where a child could not have nuts and even after the grandmother was told this, she went ahead and gave the child a cookie with nuts in it because SHE wanted to prove the parents wrong! The child died. This would have been my MIL.
Seems like you have tried to set boundries that dear parent won't abide by. So, you set boundaries for you. No, is a one word sentence. You are not responsible for the reaction to that No. No more explanations, just No. They seem to think if they ignore your explanation you will eventually come over to their side. My husband would have helped his Mom if she had stayed near us, but at 69 she chose to move 2 days driving away in FL. He ignored her asking us to move there when he retired and she was now a widow. When she would mention it, he just didn't address it. She wanted to live in FL he didn't was how he thought.
I would call Office of Aging in her County to see what resources are available. If in 70s or up, maybe ask if they can do an evaluation, this way you know what is really going on with parent. When parent complains of pain and u don't care, tell them u care but its the doctor they should be complaining to. Maybe they need a pain specialist.
Your child is your #1 responsibility. That child's needs come first. And if first means you have very little time for parent, oh well. Your parent seems to be self-centered. They cannot see the other side, they don't want to. Do not ever take on the care of this parent. Your life will be hell.
1. NO is one sentence
2. You are not responsible for the reaction you get from your NO.
3. Guilt is self-imposed
Nothing!
Leave her to the life she's built for herself, and enjoy your life with your child. She's not your responsibility, and she will drag you down into the pit with her if you let her.
Maybe call APS and report a vulnerable elder, but beyond that leave her to rot.
Literally if need be.
The best option might be to work out what you can do, tall your parent, and write it down to make it clear for both of you. That may include a forthrightly or monthly visit. When you are asked for something different from the list, say ‘I can’t do that’. When you get screams say goodbye and put the phone down. You can include in the list the phone numbers of other ways for parent to meet the need, and a bottom line of referring parent to APS if necessary. You've done enough. You can't force good manners, reasonable behavior, or commonsense onto someone who resists everything.
It is not your responsibility to care for your parent’s every need, or to put up with poor treatment. Remember that! It’s your parent’s responsibility to make their own plans to cope with their health and future needs. If you offer help and it’s not accepted, stop worrying.
You already sense that she's got a personality disorder - that is unlikely to ever change and will get worse as she ages. I would get on the phone to elder care in her location and find out options. Screen her calls and respond via text if you can, or don't if she's just being a brat. Good luck to you!