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What if the facility my parents are living in put them in independent, when they really need to be in assisted and they won't listen to me? They both have alzheimers and are declining, refusing to take meds, wandering from time to time, these are major signs to me, but no one will listen!

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I don't believe I have ever heard of a facility refusing to move a resident to assisted living. However, from what you are describing, your parents don't need just assisted living, they need secure dementia care. Is that the reason they don't want to move therm?

My first reaction was if the staff where they are is not responsive, move. However this is not, obviously, at all easy. If the community does not have a way to ensure your parent's security then a move may be in order in any event.

I would request an appointment with the Executive Director and the Director of Nursing together. I would avoid engaging in antagonistic language or tone. I would ask them point blank if they have the interest and/or, more importantly, the capacity, to ensure your parents well being and safety and see what they have to say.

You will then be able to make your decision.
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Thank you for your advice, its not that they are refusing, they are just not listening to me and not looking at the signs. Thank you again I will need to be more assertive
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Contact your state Omsbudsman (sp). That office can help you work with the facility to get your parents the care they need.
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Hi Elizabeth,
This may not be just a case where you need to be more assertive. There are so many changes coming down the pike with Health Care Reform that many Nursing Homes, Assisted Living Facilities and Independent Living centers are literally sitting on their hands before responding to changing senior benefits. Making the wrong business decision during these times could literally send an Institution into bankruptcy. Unfortunately, for those seniors with early stage Alzheimer's or Dementia, the specialized care they need cannot wait for HC Reform or a new business model for Institutional care. I assume that when your parents moved into the Independent Living facility they/you had to sign a legal contract defining the conditions for remaining in the Independent area vs upgrading to Assisted Living or other alternatives offered by the Institution. Get a copy of that agreement and, if possible, have it reviewed by an Elder Law attorney or someone who specializes in Contract Law in your state. The last thing your parents need right now is to be excluded (think "evicted") from this facility because they do not meet the requirements for the next stage of care offered there and are placed on the bottom of a waiting list for another Institution that does offer such care. Whatever you do, make sure you have an Advocate who represents you and your parents. Anyone the Institution provides will likely be biased even though they may appear to have your best interest at heart. As you learn more about the complexity of Senior Care, please return to this site and give us an update. You are not alone in this problem. We have all gone through it too and are here to help.
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If your parents need assisted living rather than independent living,
I don't see any reason why they wouldn't assist you other than the fact that they don't have any assisted living apartments/rooms. You need to ask them. My sister-in-law put
my m-i-l in an assisted living facility, but it took years before one was available. I would think once your parents were in there, in any sort of living situation, it would be as soon as one or two were available. My s-i-l got called so much from the assisted living facility that she ended up moving her. I know that cannot
always be an option for people, but you need to sit down with the person who oversees the patients (the title escapes me now)
and find out what's what. If necessary, have them write it down.
Could it be a price factor? I have no idea. You just need to sit down with the Administrator or whatever title that person holds and have them clear it up for you.
Good luck.
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You need to get your parents' reevaluated by their doctor(s) and with the medical support in hand, get your parents in the level of care they need .... generally, most group facilities have three levels of care plus an alzheimer's level (a separate floor) ... the levels are independent (can take care of themselves and handle their self-help skills/needs, meds, etc.) ... assisted living (need help with some or all daily living, help with meds, reminders, etc. and then third level, nursing or skilled nursing level (must have a nurse administer iv's, etc. medical doctor oversight, etc. ....alzheimer's patients requiure special, round the clock care which is why it is separate from the "general" nursing home level .... and of course, independent living is the least expensive, rising to the nursng home level which is the most expensive .... our prayers are with you, don't give up, try to find the care manager at the facility once you have a clearer picture from their doctor(s) what their needs are.
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