I am an only child. Moved to Houston from my home in New Iberia, La. in Mar 2020 to care for my Mom (Dementia, MCI, and chronic incontinence). Dad has just given up on my mother - who is a lot in this stage of her Dementia and MCI, coupled with chronic incontinence. She's become very moody and doesn't want to accept the help in the mornings and evenings that she needs from him in regards to cleaning up, taking off, and replacing pull ups/pads; washing, brushing teeth, dressing, etc. He just makes sure she has everything she needs in the bathroom and now leaves. She is resistant on having me in the bathroom with her. If she washes, takes off a used pad/pull up, cleans, is now what "I" hope for. Best "I" can do is ask her the questions she hates; "Are you wearing a pad," "Are you sure," "Did you brush your teeth," etc. Most times she has forgotten the pad and gets impatient with having to go back in the bathroom to do it all over again. This "process" usually takes anywhere from 1:30 -2:00 every morning and evening. She is just ornery when it comes to someone telling what she needs to do - because she can't remember to do so? (MCI)
It's just really tough right now. Before you ask, "I" have set up in home health care on, get this, 3 occasions. The first, Dad allowed her to cancel WHEN THE LADY CALLED TO TELL US SHE WAS ON THE WAY! Smh. That was about 9,10 months ago. Next time I set it up, again he "allowed" her to change her mind before she was scheduled to come - this was the time when the "Area Agency on Aging" denied me another chance to get benefits. I understood.
The next time "I" set up healthcare was with Medicare and a highly rated agency dedicated to home Healthcare. I vetted the young lady that was selected. She was perfect credentials wise. She washed her hair for the first time in years! (Yeah, Dad hasn't done it. Won't bathe her either? But he is an INCREDIBLE husband and father. He has recently had a LOT of health issues. During this time that I have been here and Covid, my Dad has been hospitalized (4) times with heart related issues. And now has a pacemaker. Dealing with Mom during those times was almost too much. Especially when we went through the unbelievable winter storm here in Houston in February with no running hot water and no lights for 2 days! It was awful.) The lady did an uh-MAZING job with Mom. Mom had nothing but wonderful things to say about her.
Later that evening, we noticed Mom might be having yet another UTI. So I was able to schedule an appointment for the very next day. She had a really bad infection that led her Gyno to refer to a specialist later that day. So after THAT appointment, which led to meds and Mom knowing she had an infection - out of nowhere, after we got home, Mom told Dad she didn't want anyone back in the home to wash her? And you guessed it, he allowed it - again! I was so withdrawn after that.
So here we are, falling apart. I'm 58 and tired. Sleep disorder and 4 screws and 2 cages in my back. I deal with "permanent, chronic nerve damage" daily on a 8 level. But it doesn't limit me. It hurts all the time, but I must go on. I do all of the cooking and running around. I clean the bed and bathrooms daily and administer their meds. My Dad requires vitals taken (BP, Heart rate, O2, and Temp) 2X's/day. I cook (2) meals/day about 5x's/week. He manages to get in some light yard work some days. He has glaucoma, so he rarely drives. It's just not best. I wake with him at 5a everyday to make sure he's stable. Some mornings before the pacemaker, we were dealing with BP around 85/45. There have been (3) EMS trips during this period that I have been here since Mar 2020. I have only been back to my home for a total of 2 days on (2) separate occasions. One trip was a same day turnaround. I haven't been home since September 2020. I look forward now to 6p daily when they usually go to bed. I also cook and care for my 11yo Yorkie. I'm tired - mentally and spiritually. Sorry 4 the vent