Follow
Share

So here we go... My father who had a broken hip in May continues to fall three times a week. He was sent to the ER with 900+ blood sugar level, and then released to a transition center to continue to rehab his hip. He has since then refused ALL care and become impulsive. He has called my mother every day saying "if you don't get me out of here, I am filing for divorce." He is not well mentally, yet the only option is for him to come back home with insufficient care. He is unstable and verbally abusive to "EVERYONE" ... I work for an organization that deals with Caregiving and Elderly advocacy, but I am not sure if I can help in this situation. Obviously he can't be left alone at all, but if he does decide to divorce my mother, things will only be worse, and I am not sure he understands this or not. This situation is immensely exhaustive... He is set to be discharged in a few days due to refusal. We can pay some of the respite care that can come in and aid him, but I am worried about the times it is just my mother and I with him.

Find Care & Housing
First, it sounds very much like he is well down the road to dementia...if not..it is a good act. Probably good enough so that he couldn’t divorce her because no lawyer would let him sign anything.

when my Dad started that nonsense, Mom moved all the money out of the joint account (cause who knew what he would do) and told him...yeah..go ahead.

as for the bigger issue...Barb is exactly right...do not let them discharge him to home. No matter what line they try to hand out, They will NOT be there to help, they will NOT find services for him. The patient services are trained to say whatever it takes to get him placed back at home.....do not let them. They will find a placement for him, and get him the psych help he needs too,
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Katiekate
Report

If ur Dads blood sugar is this high, this could effect his thinking. I would ask that he be evaluated for LTC. He needs to get his sugar under control and seems that it can't be done at home. Tell them Mom cannot care for him like he is. I would explore Medicaid. Mom being a Community spouse would not be made impoverished. Their finances would be split in a way that Dads split would be spent down and then Medicaid applied for. Mom could stay in the home and have a car.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

It needs to be made clear that returning home is not an option, that neither you nor Mom can accept care of him anymore.
This may come down to a need for legal guardianship. I hope not. And it definitely is worth thinking about whether you or Mom WANT guardianship. If he cannot be at all cooperative it may be better to leave his care to the State which can't be manipulated easily.
So sorry for all this trauma. Do stay strong and make it clear to social workers wherever Dad is that coming home is not now an option.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Your mother needs to tell the care center social worker that your father CANNOT return home. He needs placement. The Center will help mom apply for LTC Medicaid.

Mom needs to stand strong.

The answer to "I'm filing for divorce" is "Fine; you talk to my lawyer; I'm taking half your assets and half your pension."
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter