Mom (84,Dementia) has been in a private residential care home since February. To help with transition, and on advice of CareGiver, put Mom in Day Care from 3 down to 2 times a week ( paid by mom's small savings). Mom enjoyed it, but had to stop Day Care to replace lost dentures, and dwindling of funds. Geriatrician increased meds 2 weeks ago to help mom's anxiety/anger/frustration. I call mom when she asks about me (via CG), and try to

take her out about once a week. Yesterday, as I came by to take mom out for a few hours, CG said HER elderly mom (95)(poor eyesight/slight hearing loss) experienced mom's wrath by accidentally dropping a piece of laundry on the floor. When my mom pointed it out to her, and possibly didn't hear her reply (my mom also hard of hearing/deaf in one ear), mom acted like a bully and yelled at granny, saying, I'm the boss" and scolded granny, disrespecting her further verbally. When the CG ran over and tried to explain & calm mom, mom grabbed CG jaw with her hand and squeezed it, then grabbed her two arms and squeezed them, giggling. OMG,I was so appalled and felt so bad for them. Mom also seems to regularly pick on one of the other patients (94) because she cannot hold a conversation (alz), and tells her she should leave! Mom's geriatrician is very conservative with meds, so the CG has to practically "suck it up." I always call the nurse with updates, sometimes pleading to protect the others from mom's cruel behavior. Nurse said they don't want to over medicate/zombie her, but mom's abusive behavior is unpredictable.

This CG has been so patient all this time, and kind and is working within mom's very small budget, and I want to continue to support her so she won't kick mom out! I was told by a social worker that with mom's temperament, either it'll be extremely expensive to find her another CH or she won't be accepted at all. Any advice/suggestions will be appreciated.

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Get her an isolated room.
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Thank you ALL for great insights/advice! Will be calling Dr. tomorrow to report this last incident. It's happened before, which is why they upped the dose, but only for the morning. Evening dose is just 1/2, but CG asking to increase that dose too.
I always tell the Dr's nurse to talk to the CG directly as well, so they don't think I'm over reacting.
My mom's older sister, was 89 (recently passed) had Alz, and was extremely difficult, and was on 3 different meds to manage her behavior. So I expect my mom to be headed that way as well.
It's so discouraging when the Dr (Geriatrician) doesn't seem to be as concerned about the safety of the others in the Home! Hopefully Kaiser has a geriatric psychiatrist on staff & can get a consult.
Helpful Answer (1)

I can sympathize because my 95 year old mom had become physically and verbally abusive also. There was no other way to "control" her outbursts other than medication. You can not let a combative patient rule the roost and potentially hurt staff and other patients.

We tried 3 different meds before we came to the right combination. Then we experimented with the dosage-first too little, then too much, then just right. She's calm but not "nodded out". She takes naps during the day but awakens easily and can (attempt) to carry on a conversation and be alert.

Good luck finding out he right meds and doses.
Helpful Answer (5)

You need to work with a geriatric psychiatrist or a gerontologist who specializes in behavioural problems to try to find medication that works for your mom, and it shouldn't have to involve being doped into a stupor!
Helpful Answer (7)

It takes a while for meds to work. Its a hit and miss thing. Have ubtalked to the doctor about this last thing. She is a danger to these people.
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