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Hello-My elderly mom has been been declared incompetent by the nursing rehab she is staying in. Soon a volunteer attorney will visit and interview her to see if she can assign a POA. There are bills mounting that need to be paid. My question is, can someone point out real life pros and cons of being a POA vs hiring someone vs having a guardian appointed? There is information on the web (from attorneys) of course they say get an attorney. I am not sure I can take on POA long distance. I would like to either get care for her at her home or get her into the best facility possible. BTW she has around 60K - 50K bill.Thank youKen
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Very wise words.
She has been a gem and still is. She had a hard life and served everyone else so selflessly. I was hoping her last years would not be more suffering.

Hopefully if a third party manages her finances and she receives Medicaid, I could move her to a better place. Have to figure out how to afford an advisor/attorney.
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All the replies are greatly appreciated an are being studied.

My only concern for the house was she is depressed being away from home. Im not sure if she can handle living in a facility. I know loosing her pets would be a final blow.

She got a visit from legal aid but they will not discuss anything. I was hoping they could advise on how to access her account to pay her bills to a place that declared her incompetent. Her funds are tied up. I cant hire anyone to help without accessing her funds. It is looking like an outside party has to step in.
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AlvaDeer Nov 14, 2024
I just wrote another poster that I don't get all this stuff today about how everyone needs to be/expects to be "happy-all-the-time". That isn't normal life. Old age is a time of one loss after another and there's no upside coming (at 82 I guarantee that). It is a time to attempt to be as content as you can in those circumstances. And Ken, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for her happiness. Don't try to be. This is a time of great imperfection and great uncertainty and many losses. That's just a fact. This is the time when you will tell her you will attempt to help and support, but there are a lot of potholes on this road, and you need to count on good springback when you hit them.
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Thank you for the insight. To be clear I have no one else to help. I have been handling her bills and accounts. Her rehab is applying for Medicaid. I believe I have gathered the documents they need. She needs to get out of that covid filled rehab asylum. She does have a person staying at her house looking after her cats and doing minimum things.

It would be ideal to have someone handle the financial side of things like a helper but allow my mom to keep her house or choose a better facility. I guess once someone else is appointed you loose all control?
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AlvaDeer Nov 14, 2024
Yes, once someone else is appointed they will, if great, contact you and "work with " you. But they don't HAVE to. It's in their hands. You have given over the reins. Two people cannot drive the buggy.
As far as covid infested? That is the nature now, as it resurges (and few are dying of it) of ALL facilities, and indeed of being home with caregivers coming and going. It's out there. Try to look on it now as a flu or a pneumonia, or a cold virus. Will be with us now for the long haul but will be very weakened virus much like the flu. It will "cull the herd" however. And our elders will be at risk from it.
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I would caution you, if you do not want to take on POA you REALLY DO NOT WANT GUARDIANSHIP.
Look up what the POA can do. Basically, if your Mom can give you this, eventually you will be paying all the bills for her; you would register as the signee for all her accounts, handle all money into and out of account and also keep meticulous records. You are responsible to your MOTHER and not to the court unless you are accused of wrong-doing and someone hires a lawyer to petition the court to examine your records. I did POA and Trustee for my brother and did everything, leaving him a small personal account and giving him monthly accountings. THIS WAS DIFFICULT to do from half the state away and I had to fly to him often. It would be WORSE to attempt for you long distance. To be honest, it is VERY DIFFICULT.
Every single entity and bank out there wants something different from you, and puts you through their own wringer until you are literally nuts with it all. It is worse today I am hearing with every entity outsourcing everything, and the folks who handle the outsourcing being not trained, visa workers from East India brought here to work in sort of ghetto home environments.

I am just saying I would not do it. I would not be either POA or Guardian long distance and would NEVER EVER CONSIDER GUARDIAN. Let the state take that on. You can't do anything without court permission and guess what that includes? You CANNOT EVEN RESIGN without court permission. Do not take this on in my humble opinion.
Do you really want to handle all this? Sales? Of a home and heaven knows what else? Do you want to handle all the taxes and all the problems when SS says to you "Nope, a POA means nothing to us; from us you have to make yourself the representative payee".

If you haven't done this, don't have time, don't have the knowledge tell this volunteer attorney to let the state appoint a court Fiduciary.
Do know, however, if you do that your opinion about sale of anything, placement and where and when it occurs, etc. will not matter. They handle everything.

That's just the opinion of someone who did this out of love and obligation and found the learning curve very steep indeed. I did it 5 years ago when my brother, newly diagnosed with Lewy's asked it of me. I would never do it again, and would ask that a Fiduciary be appointed, but then I am now 82, and honestly the hours on the phone were a nightmare. I once spent from 10 a.m. in the morning to 4:30 p.m. on the phone with spectrum when they inadvertently took the phone service out of my brother's room instead of another resident who had died. I talked to folks across this country and from East India all day. That's how long it took. It was really a farce, but one with nightmareish aspects to it. And this was for a well organized man who had everything set up and in place. So go figure what it would have been otherwise.
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