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My mom passed away suddenly a couple of years ago and had been my dad's caregiver following his heart attack.


Since she passed, his mobility/mental health, etc has declined. He was still driving/living independently and I went to his house every night to prep his meds for the next day and make sure he ate and had groceries in the house. He had a mild stroke 2 weeks ago and is currently in Inpatient Rehab. He has always been known for his stubborn streak and being generally adversarial, loud and argumentative. Since his stroke he has not been able to walk and is now either unable or unwilling to cooperate with rehab.


We cared for my wife's father (dementia) for 10 years and always agreed he would stay with us as long as he was ambulatory, could toilet and bathe with assistance. We had planned to offer the same opportunity to my father "when the time came".....now he has gone from being relatively independent and driving to being confined to bed/wheelchair and having intermittent episodes of confusion of time/place/people, being uncooperative and borderline combative less than an hour after a (I thought!) lucid discussion about goals and getting him strong enough to come home with us.


He weighs about 250-275 lbs. I am still working but I have an Arachnid Cyst with a VP Shunt that drains into my abdomen, I am not supposed to lift more than 25 lbs. My wife was forced to retire 7 years ago due to chronic illness (Auto-immune disorder, Degenerative Disc/joint disease and several herniated disc, Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis)......there are many days that she has mobility challenges and needs assistance herself. Neither of us are physically able to provide the level of care my father needs. He is basically indigent and we do not have the financial resources to pay out -of-pocket for his care.


What happens to him when the inpatient rehab has to release him and he can't walk!?!


We can't bring him here because we are not physically able care for him....where do people in this situation go?


What is our legal position and what are we liable for as "only" children?


There is no other family able to help and no one else to turn to.


We are at a complete loss here.

All good suggestions. I think with ur wifes diagnosis and yours they shouldn't even try to get you to take him. Another excuse, how is your home set up for a wheelchair? My friend had to have her bathroom door made wider. None of my baths are big enough to wheel someone into. Do you have one level or two? Don't let them talk you into somekind of homecare. A lot of the times they are unreliable. It comes down to, neither you or your wife can do it. The stress alone will effect her.

Good luck and come back and tell us how it works out.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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If I’m understanding, Dad was was in an apartment prior to his stroke, so no house to sell or assets to liquidate, so the Medicaid application should be pretty easy. As soon as you/he apply, be becomes “Medicaid Pending”, and many NH accept residents in that status while the approval slogs through the system, which may take a few months. Everything will be paid for during that process, and after approval. What ever income (pension and SS) he has will go to the NH to help pay for his care.

Just a quick google search of nursing homes in or near Rome Ga, comes up with a nice long list. That’s good, you may have some options for places that will take your dad Medicaid Pending. But if you and your wife don’t have the energy/health to do a big in-depth NH search in the next couple of weeks, I definitely would start at the rehab facility he is now at, if they have a Nursing Home attached (many do). A transfer there would be the easiest and quickest since they have all dads history and paperwork, as long as it’s an acceptable and convenient facility. You can check their ratings on the Medicare website as a general comparison between them. But right now I would be concentrating on easy/convenient. You can always move him later if you really had to.

It’s good your thinking about your next moves if it’s not looking like your dad can return to his apartment. Do not allow them to convince you to let him move in with you. It will be unsafe for you and him. Find the Social Worker assigned to him and start this conversation now and get the ball rolling.

Do you have POA? Things like paperwork might be easier if you do.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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Absolutely agree, refuse to take him home. Then it becomes the social worker/ facility's responsibility to work out what to do. Don't get talked into a trial, even if you have to get up and walk out of a meeting.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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SInce he is not cooperating with rehab, it is quite likely that the discharge planners will be talking to you soon about what the plan is for his care.

Many rehabs are located in nursing homes. Is this the case for your elder? Often, they can admitted to long term care as "Medicaid Pending"; the Medicaid application is submitted and payment to the facility is retroactive to the date of application.

In this case, I would be proactive and seek out the discharge department soon to make your concerns known. If this facility doesn't accept Medicaid patients, you need to start checking out other facilities.

Don't let ANYONE tell you that you have a legal or moral obligation to take him back to your home. You don't.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Exactly what FarmJelly said. Definitely do not take him home. With you and your wife's health conditions, you are unable to care for him in your home. Frankly, even if you were both specimens of perfect health, your dad's challenges would make it difficult to provide the care he needs and deserves.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Speak to the social worker at rehab. Explain that you cannot care for him at home. It may be time to start the Medicaid process for placement in a nursing home.
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Reply to FarmJelly
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