My husband and I have been married 10 years. 11 years ago I made the decision to help take care of his elderly father. I moved him out of an impoverished room he was renting and paid for his living expenses for almost 10 years while managing his medical appointments and medications. A year and a half ago we bought a house and had to move him in with us because we couldn't afford to pay for him outright anymore. Once he moved in it became increasingly apparent how toxic the relationship between him and my husband is. My husband developed severe anxiety and depression that manifested physically with extreme fatigue, panic attacks, and vomiting. He has vomited 1-2x a week for over a year. Then 6 months ago we got an aggressive, threatening, accusatory phone call from my husband's cousin. My father in law had been speaking to him and telling lies about the care we were providing, making it sound like we were mistreating him, which couldn't be further from the truth. Even after speaking with my father in law and explaining how hurtful it was he continued to be in contact with the cousin and we continued to be harassed. My husband's mental health has continued to decline and we were on the brink of divorce. We also have 2 small children, ages 6 and 3 who were starting to be affected by the turmoil. So, we moved his father into a senior apartment, sold our house, my husband went on medical disability, got on meds, started therapy, and we tried to start fresh. But, the senior apartment is independent living, but my father in law is not very independent - he has an indwelling catheter and limited mobility due to compression fractures, as well as what we think is early dementia, anxiety, and paranoia. We have submitted application for assisted living or skilled nursing and have been waiting for months for a formal psych evaluation through the VA in order to determine the level of care he needs (assisted living vs. skilled nursing) so the application can move forward. In order to protect myself emotionally I have stepped out of dealing with my father in law directly and have been helping manage paperwork, appointments, and medical care in the background. For the past 2 months my husband, while on medical leave has been taking his father to appointments, cleaning his apartment, taking him shopping, and doing his best to care for him. But every time he sees his father, which is 2-3 times a week, he is set back significantly in his treatment for depression and anxiety. Today he spent the entire day with his father at the VA and took him out to lunch, only to witness a phone call from the accusing cousin and his father proceed to tell him that my husband isn't taking care of him properly. My husband returned home to have a full emotional meltdown, and it was almost like he hasn't been on meds and in therapy for months. Another huge setback. So, we are desperate to find a solution to this. For the sake and health of our family we need to find a way out of this, but I don't know how. Can it somehow be determined that my husband is incapable of caring for his father (which is completely true)? I just don't know what to do anymore, my husband's health is in a crisis trying to care for his father.