Stemming back to November 2022, my mom could not stay home alone. It was agreed that she go and stay, possible temporary, at my youngest siblings home since there are more people there an no one works. Since then, there has been multiple arguments over her small money, and other tedious problems such as having excuses of not allowing visit her, especially the two other siblings, including me. I have taken them to court several times to get conservatorship and get some kind of access to her. All cases were denied. However, on all cases, judge wrote on minute meetings and verbally indicating to entire court that we are entitled to see our mother and there should be no reason we are not allowed to see her. There should be unsupervised visits when Ms. Smith and others visit their mom. My sister and her two adult daughters disobeyed. I took them back to the court and the judge said there was nothing he could do. Also during the last court proceeding, my mom was in the hospital, and they did not let us know in court that our mom was rushed to the hospital for UTI. A couple of days later, my youngest sibling daughter who is the POA contacted me concerning my mom. She wanted to talk to me and the other siblings on conference but we were at work, and my brother suffers from quadriplegia. I asked her to send it through a text if it was really important. The POA told me that if we don't do a conference call then she will not let us know what is going on with our mother. Two hours later, my mom's best friend called me and told me that my mom suffered a massive heart attack. I left work, travelling 80 miles to see my mom. Upon seeing her, she had old and new bedsores, and a protruding rib from malnourishment and still healing from her UTI, with an addition of a heart attack. My mom is back at home with my youngest sibling and she doesn't call anyone to let us know what is going on with our mother. When we call her, they all start arguments over the phone in front of our mom which is why we don't want to call. It causes stress with our mom. We find out how our mom is doing through our mom's best friend which is not enough. So, we don't know what is going on with our mom. She doesn't ask for us either so I don't know if it is dementia or if she is afraid to ask about us.
Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do. Right now, my mom is suffering. My youngest sibling is always in Hawaii, the POA has 6 children by 5 different men. WE ARE WORRIED!!!!!!
Even IF everything you say is as bad as you imagine it to be, and the courts and the hospitals are part of some sort of conspiracy to deny your mom decent care, how is this battle going to help mom?
Since you seem to have enough money to go to court - which is not cheap by any stretch of the imagination in this day and age - and the court has not agreed with your "assessment" several times, why not put that money to better use and 1) hire and pay for aides to come into the home to help take care of mom, thereby alleviating your sister and her family of some of these monstrous responsibilities or 2) use the money to private pay for a facility for mom's care?
Your very first sentence is so telling of what you think of your sister and her family, and I quote: "It was agreed that she go and stay, possible temporary, at my youngest siblings home since there are more people there an no one works."
I would be curious who had this conversation about mom's care that was "agreed" to, and what, if any, compensation was discussed to give your sister for mom's care? Because the quickest way to ensure that she/family can't work in the future is to place an elderly person who needs 24-hour care into her home.
Your mum might not be eating properly because she doesn't want to eat - I wouldn't assume it's your sister's fault that she's so thin. My mum weighed around 5 stone at one point because she refused to eat.
A bed sore is serious, but it isn't necessarily a sign of abuse. It is difficult to control bed sores once they have occurred, which is why prevention is key, but that isn't always easy. Although it could also be a sign that your mum's care is beyond your sister's capability.
Be prepared that if you call APS it could make your sister dig her heals in even more, but it would be a way to try and make sure your mum does get adequate care. Your mum is very ill and may not have long left, and you don't want to regret doing everything you could for her.
You say she called and it wasn't convenient for you, then you say she doesn't call.
You ALL need to grow up and do what is best for your mom. That means YOU don't call the shots, the boots on the ground caregivers do. You, yourself, state you don't know what is going on but you sure want it done your way according to your post. You need to back off with that business, I know that I wouldn't be taking care of my mom and be gracious to anyone that causes me additional grief, caring for mom is hard enough without siblings demanding that I acquiesce to their control.
Maybe try calling and thanking them for stepping up and taking mom in and getting an update without you offering anything but thanks? Takes two to argue, stop arguing!
1. You have been to court to attempt to be allowed visits with your Mom and they have been denied. You are not informed, even of her recent condition.
2. You are most concerned of the presence of a bedsore, which can be deadly.
3. You are requesting a wellness check with an examining doctor for your mother.
I do not see another thing you can conceivably do, given that you have already made use of the courts and have no won any actions for conservatorship or any abilities to visit.
That should have been done.
If there is any way that you can get copies of the medical records and file a neglect report that might be a way to change this situation.
If you have any photos of the pressure sores or the probably malnourishment that might help as well.