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My mother had dementia and possibly a UTI. She won't go to the doctor or hospital and is very angry and abusive. She wants to leave and hates us all.
I'm at my wit's end this has been going on for weeks and I can't do it anymore. It happens a lot on Friday night or all through the weekend when there is no help out there. Where do I turn after hours?

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A great question! If your mom qualifies for palliative care, through hospice, I can't recommend them enough!! They have someone on call thru weekends for situations like this. Most people put hospice with just end of life care, but they have an amazing program for what's called a step down which means PT is not within 6 months of death, but does have conditions, like dementia, which require extra attention. They will send out NP once a week to check on mom and do vitals and make sure all is well. They also have tuck in calls, to all PTs, every Friday, to make sure pt has meds. food and everything needed, over the weekend. They are a God send! Please check into this. They have even more resources, that may or may not extend to you and your mom. For instance, you can put mom on waiting list and have her stay at their hospice in PT center, for 3-5 days for respite care. I know a lot about this because I did a medical billing internship my last semester of college and even stayed on after that as volunteer because I love all they stand for! I hope you and others who need more assistance check into your local hospice for palliative care. All major insurance including Medicare and Medicaid are accepted!! We all need help and relief and I pray you get some extra hands, especially on weekends to help out.
Hugs & prayers:) kelly
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Reply to DianneKK
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geddyupgo Aug 4, 2021
DianneKK ~
Thanks for all that helpful information!!
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ER she is a danger to herself and others. Refuse to bring her home
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Reply to gladimhere
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I think perhaps right now she needs the ER.

Long term, if she has some of the "behavioral disturbances" that often accompany dementia, you will be well served by getting a geriatric psychiatrist as part of her team.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Yes, the ER. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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Reply to Gershun
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UTIs are very serious. If you don't call 911 and get her to an ER she can become septic and die. With Dementia she cannot make informed decisions, you make them for her. Hope you have a POA in place. When the EMTs come explain that she is hitting. That she has Dementia and does not realize the seriousness of a UTI.

Once Mom is in the hospital maybe time to make a decision. Do you want to bring her home or is this time to place her either in an AL or LTC. Hopefully she will be transferred to rehab. If so, you can have her evaluated for 24/7 care. If found its needed, then you can make you decision. Dementia gets worse, the caring too. I could not handle the unpredictability. For me it was like caring for a 2 yr old. Watching them all the time. Only this 2 yr old never grows up. The 20days that Medicare pays 100% will give to time to weigh the options. If she has no money, Medicaid can be applied for. You can allow the NH to help you but please keep involved in the process.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Call 211 for advice or help or 911 for any emergency. This is so sad. I am so sorry.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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ER
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Reply to Sendhelp
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I read your profile and it sounds like it's time to either find placement in a care facility for your mother or to get some at home caregivers.
I've dealt with similar with my own mother. She will be totally fine all day on a Saturday or Sunday when there's company like my sister and BIL visiting. The minute they leave there's a health crisis emergency. Some of them are actually planned. It sounds harsh to say so, but this is a real thing. Many of our elderly 'loved ones' will have a fall or some other incident that coincidently always seems to happen when the caregiver has something planned that they're looking forward to. My mother worked herself up into a health crisis on the day of my friend's wedding. She was jealous that I had looked forward to this and wanted to sabotage it so I couldn't go. The only way to prevent me going would have to be a health crisis so I'd miss it and spend the day sitting up in the ER with her. That's not what happened. I told her I'd call her an ambulance and my sister (who doesn't help with any of it). Then she said she's wait a few hours until I came back from the wedding. So I reserved a room at the hotel where the wedding was. When I came home the next day, she was fine. She didn't call my sister because she didn't want to "bother" her. She didn't call an ambulance either.
If you're convinced that something is really wrong and not just a performance, call 911. Your mother has dementia and cannot make a rational decision concerning her own health. Let her refuse. Let her throw a tantrum. It's not her decision to make.
In fact, it might be a blessing if you send her to the hospital by ambulance. Then you can ask to speak to a social worker who can help you out with some caregiving services.
You've got a tough situation and I know what it's like to be at the end of your rope with caregiving.
Please remember that you're the one in charge, not her. What you say and decide is what happens. If the abuse and anger gets to be too much to handle, put her in a nursing home.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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From your profile:

"I have been a caregiver for my mother and her husband for 6 years now. I am single and have no children. Now I have no friends either. I am not able to even go to the doctor or get tests done that I desperately need. I need help."

I like JoAnn29's reply right below this one. Sounds like it's time for a facility for your mother.

What's the story with your stepfather? Are both of them living with you? What kind of care do you have to provide for him? Does he have children?
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Reply to CTTN55
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Does she live with you? How bad is her dementia?

If you need her to be tested for a UTI, maybe you can go to a walkin clinic?

I'm not a big med fan but it sounds to me like she might benefit from something to reduce her anger, etc. She can't be happy being so negative like that. And it's no good for anyone around her either. Caregiving is hard enough without that toxicity.

I would also not take her saying she wants to leave and hates you all too too seriously. With dementia, they are obviously at some level of being confused and the brain is just not working right, so.....kind of have to give her a pass on that and try to find a way for her to be more comfortable and calmer.

So, I would hit the walkin for a pee test. Then call her doc on Monday to followup on how she is behaving, etc. and see what they suggest. Maybe a telemed visit since she is refusing to go?

Good luck!
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