Earlier this year we planned to relocate my 83 year old parents across the country to live with me for the short-term, and in the longer term we would move them into an assisted living facility as their health declines. At the last minute, my father refused to sell their house and move and decided to stay put. On the other hand, my mom willingly relocated and is currently living with me. My father's health is okay but I think he is showing signs of early dementia but he also refuses to go to the doctor. We are really stuck on what we should do--we've been trying to honor his wishes but also know he is a very difficult and stubborn individual.

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Your mom is safe with you - that's great! If she needs to go to a home, she will want you to be POA, not dad. If dad gets bad where he is and still refuses to move, then someone will have to apply for guardianship in his state. He can move out of state, but the annual reporting will still be to CA.
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I agree with DollyMe. At some point, your father will realize that getting his way is not worth living alone and being entirely responsible for himself. The house will seem huge, empty and silent. He will have no one to talk to and argue with. He will need to do his own cooking, cleaning and laundry. Don’t make it easier for him by arranging for people to come in and do these things for him. That’s defeating the purpose. Call to check in but don’t smother him with well-intentioned concern. Just step back and wait for him to “come around”, and he will.
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anonymous912123 Jul 2019
You are spot on, I wouldn't help him either, he will come around, may take some time, but it will happen!
Let him be, time to back off, and be an observer, you do not need to have a front row seat. Sometimes the best thing is to do is nothing, and wait.
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