C4m, DO you suspect that the family friend is misusing his money, or are you just uncomfortable with someone outside the family knowing his business and operating his accounts for him? Is there any reason to think there is an actual problem?
You say the friend is taking advantage of FIL's memory loss. Of course I don't know, but I would expect the friend to say that FIL can't manage his bills and so she stepped in to help. Don't make an enemy of her for nothing.
We are in agreement it started that way. Siblings see what we see but aren't in a position to proceed and one won't due to her own family dynamics, which is fine. We have to do what we think is best. Getting feed back with questions we pose helps us to way our options and maybe see something from a point of view we haven't or aren't seeing. Either way we are going to have to interven to protect him so he can stay in his home for as long as possible.
So we are going to move forward and get him in the doctors office and get an official diagnosis. Then if he truly has a form of dementia that we can medically prove, we will take the information to a lawyer and proceed from there. We have decided to pursue having PCA in during the day to have a body in the house to take care of daily needs we cannot attend to. That will leave evenings and weekends. At least can spring board from here. I hate seeing anyone being taken advantage of
I would contact APS and report financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior. This will get them investigated and it may bring the law in, it is a crime to financially exploit senior citizens, dementia or not, family or friend.
Try to get proof so that this person doesn't get rid of all the evidence and make it terribly hard to investigate.
Best of luck and let us know how it turns out, we learn from each others experiences.
I appreciate the responses. He has a family friend that has overstepped her bounds. She has taken upon herself to control his finances by using his memory loss as an advantage. He cannot fix anything that breaks down nor will he be able to maintain winter duties. We cannot do everything with our own home, work full time and care for him and all that that includes. It's a mess and is getting more complicated as we get more involved because of what we see happening. When do or do we interven legally? Or do we just take it day by day and wait to see what catastrophe happens and then move forward. This is all new territory for us.
Just don't honestly see that there is anything to do. Is your FIL demented? Because if not he can do anything with for or about a family friend of his that he wishes to. If he IS demented, however, and you suspect there is money being embezzled by the "friend" then it is time for a report to Adult Protective Services. They would be a resource then to move forward with power of attorney to at least handle his bills and attempt to get him some care in his home. I would not, as I said, take him into my own home, because if you think it's bad now, you would learn how bad it could get. He is apparently not cooperative or recognizing he needs help. That would be worse, and the blame game would get truly awful. If your FIL is demented, go for court guardianship. If not, move away. Not a lot else, really that I can think of. You have offered help and he doesn't want it.
Coffee4me, usually what happens is that us grown children will have to wait for a medical emergency before we can finally get out love ones into senior living.
For my Mom, it was a serious fall at her home... thus after hospital treatment and Rehab, she lived in long-term-care.
For my Dad, it was after Mom had passed, and it was his idea to move to senior living, as he was so tired of all the responsibilities of home ownership being he was in his 90's. I realize this isn't the norm, usually one has to beg and plea to get an elder to downsize... [sigh].
Someone else here recommended reading "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande and I highly recommend it.
When you say he cannot live by himself, what exactly is the problem? There is a range of solutions in between whatever is going on now, and the extreme options of pursuing guardianship to force a move, or else waiting for an emergency to trigger the hospital admission and discharge to rehab, never to return home.
Similar answer to one on another thread. If you do not have guardianship there is nothing you can do. I personally think that you are lucky you don't live with him because what would you do with him when he did? Guardianship would only come when a court judge says that the person's dementia is so severe that he is a danger to himself or to others. Would you want that person then to be someone you lived with. Not everything can be fix. This will follow a progression. Try to prepare to be there when you are needed, but do not live with this man, if, if you do, understand that your life may be one of complete chaos with no choices.
You say the friend is taking advantage of FIL's memory loss. Of course I don't know, but I would expect the friend to say that FIL can't manage his bills and so she stepped in to help. Don't make an enemy of her for nothing.
Try to get proof so that this person doesn't get rid of all the evidence and make it terribly hard to investigate.
Best of luck and let us know how it turns out, we learn from each others experiences.
For my Mom, it was a serious fall at her home... thus after hospital treatment and Rehab, she lived in long-term-care.
For my Dad, it was after Mom had passed, and it was his idea to move to senior living, as he was so tired of all the responsibilities of home ownership being he was in his 90's. I realize this isn't the norm, usually one has to beg and plea to get an elder to downsize... [sigh].
When you say he cannot live by himself, what exactly is the problem? There is a range of solutions in between whatever is going on now, and the extreme options of pursuing guardianship to force a move, or else waiting for an emergency to trigger the hospital admission and discharge to rehab, never to return home.