I have moved my mother in with me and my husband because staying at home is not an option for her because she can't walk or care for herself. I don't get paid because she makes too much money on Social Security. Wow a whole 1400 a month. My poor husband is working double jobs to make it possible for me not to work so I can be with mom all day. She owns her home which is needing so much repair and we still need to straighten out the deed because the man who sold it to her passed away with less than a 1000 dollars owed on it and now we have to pay a ton of money to straighten it out but that is another story. Anyway she is still paying her household bills because she has a friend working on the repairs and needs utilities to work. She also has other bills. I don't know what to do to ease the financial burden this is putting on my poor husband. I need a break occassionally and am an only child so there isn't a sibling to help. Any ideas?

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You sell the house, find a nice AL or nursing home for her and apply for Medicaid when the time comes. Your husband should not have to work two jobs to support your mother.
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to lkdrymom

I'd quit working on the house and sell it 'as is'.
Use the proceeds for mom's care.

Your sweet hubby--working 2 jobs to keep you afloat b/c of mom.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Midkid58

In your profile you wrote: "...I have cared for my mother since her stroke 3 years ago and she can do much more than she lets on...." and then in this question you wrote: "...she can't walk or care for herself...." Which is it?

Your mother is taking advantage of you and your husband.

Your mother cannot afford to keep her house. I don't understand why your mother is wasting "a ton of money" to straighten out a debt of less than $1,000. Hire a local realtor who knows her neighborhood. You can easily find the names and numbers of realtors who have sold the most houses in that neighborhood. Call them this week and get the ball rolling. She will need to pay a real estate attorney, who I'm sure can also give your mother sound advice about what to do with the proceeds. Most real estate attorneys are well-versed in trusts and estates law.

Together with your husband, establish a time frame to get your mother out of your house and remove the added financial burden on your husband. Your husband comes first; you and he are partners. Once you and your husband have decided how best to proceed, inform your mother of your expectations of her, what's going to happen and when.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

Have you checked into a Miller Trust aka qualified income trust?

She is going to have to sell her house. It may not be sold for as much, but you can't drown in debt so she can continue to pay a friend to work on it.

Sell it as is and then she can start paying her way in her new home.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
JoAnn29 May 8, 2020
House has to be sold at Fair Market Value if she will be on Medicaid LTC within the next 5 yrs.
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"I don't get paid because she makes too much money on Social Security. Wow a whole 1400 a month."

What does having too much SS have to do with her not paying you? As said, you can charge her rent. (It has been mentioned on forum easier than declaring paid caregiver with Medicaid) Just have a written agreement to how much and you both sign. Maybe even notarized. This is proof. My Mom made 1700 a month and was considered poor enough to receive Medicaid for LTC. 1400 a month is not much with the cost of living as it is.

When Moms house became empty, I unplugged the refrigerator,freezer, stove, washer/dryer and small appliances. I had a timer for the lights to go on at dark and turn off at 11pm. This cut down on Moms electric. Heat was set for 55. If the man wants it warmer, you could allow him to increase the temp but to please put it back to 55 when he leaves. (I have a thermostat I can set temps for different times of the day) I disconnected the cable and telephone. It saved me a lot of out of pocket once Mom was on Medicaid. I had to let taxes go. Living in NJ and retired, I could not afford to pay mine and hers. And not eventually be reimbursed. When her house sold after her passing, I was able to get enough to offset the outstanding taxes, water bill and Medicaid lean.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29
SynergyNJ May 11, 2020
55 degree inside air temperature is too cold for an elderly person's system
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Mom's probably at the point where she doesn't need bills or a house hanging over her head. I would consult an attorney about bankruptcy and getting rid of the house. Free her of all that burden. Then look into starting the process of applying her for LTC Medicaid. In the meantime before she is ready for LTC Medicaid she can pay rent to you out of her Social Security. Consult an attorney on how best to set it up. So, seek out an attorney who can handle bankruptcy matters and possibly down the road transitioning to LTC.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to mstrbill

I would stop the work on her house and get it sold as-is. Then, use her money to pay for your services and her contribution to your household: her share of utilities, her food, her medications, her supplies... If you find that you can not make if financially this way, you may have to bite the bullet and have mom enter a residential facility so you can go back to work.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Taarna

I agree with Mstrbill about unloading the house and being done paying related bills being a priority, but not sure what the point of bankruptcy would be. If she has no money (and after the house sells) pay off any remaining debts. Whatever she can't pay, just walk away from (and don't worry about her credit score). Debtors can't come after you as long as you aren't co-signed on anything with her.

Has your mom been diagnosed with dementia by a doctor? If not, I hope she has her legal ducks in a row and has made you her durable PoA. This needs to happen before she ever goes into cognitive decline. Without this you won't be able to legally help/represent her. If/when she successfully sells the house and has those funds, get her into a good NH that accepts Medicaid. Once her funds are almost gone you can apply for Medicaid for her. Hopefully you are not a co-signer on any loans or credit cards w/her. Be careful about being joint on any of her bank accounts as this may impact Medicaid qualification. I'm an only, too. I get it.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
mstrbill May 8, 2020
Bankruptcy would end any and all annoying phone calls, and also since there is property involved and LTC Medicaid is likely in the future, it may be best to consult an attorney on how best to prepare for that.
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Make sure you have bills and receipts for all work done on the home. Then stop that work. How many 10's of thousands is it going to take? A very long time.

Instead use the money to pay off the house and get an elder law attorney to draft a caregiver and/or rental agreement so mom can pay you. And get mom applied for Medicaid to get her into a facility. You need to work take the burden off hubby and get back to normal.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to gladimhere

Consult an elder law lawyer and set up her affairs to qualify for LTC via Medicaid. The attorney will set up an irrevocable trust to transfer her assets and still allow her to qualify for Medicaid. Do not do without attorney supervision. And keep your finances separate from hers.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to maryqesq1
Isthisrealyreal May 11, 2020
In 5 years the transfer of assets won't matter. But 5 years in this situation is a lifetime.

Really not worth trying to keep assets from paying for her care while you are sacrificing your own life and wellbeing to take care of her.

Keeping the expenses of the house are a huge part of the problem. The house needs to go so mom can pay her own way.
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