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Hi Everyone. I have been part of this group ever since I moved in with my Dad six years ago. It has been probably been the longest, toughest, six years of my life. I wanted to update you all and ask some questions. My father has Dementia. At this point he gets confused easily especially with what day it is also the time of day. If he wakes up from a nap, he insists that it is the next day or that no one came to assist him that day. Now we have received some new information...we have learned that he has a mass in his stomach that is malignant. We have a meeting with the hospital next Tuesday to discuss next steps since they feel he will not survive any treatment related to the tumor.


My children and I live with my father and it has already been decided that we will continue to live there. My concern is that my siblings may feel that since I am living there, they will just send Dad home to live out the rest of his time which could be many years. He is not eating much of anything and I'm not sure how long he will last without eating more than broth and applesauce each day. We have a home health aide that I have discussed here many times. I do not want her to have free reign of our home especially if Dad is not in a position to move around much. My sister mentioned hospice to the doctor when he mentioned the tumor but the doctor scoffed at it, saying he could live 6 months or more. What can we expect from this meeting and should I suggest a nursing home or assisted living ?

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Additional Update. My father will be coming home either today or tomorrow. The physician recommended hospice and we were all in agreement.
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The doctor scoffed at the mention of hospice? Perhaps s/he should put aside his/her god complex, what an incredibly unhelpful and wrong headed thing to say!

Most people will tell you that the wish they had called in hospice sooner, it is not just for the last days and weeks, I have read of some people who actually improved somewhat with the extra care and attention. Please do consider employing a hospice service, they can be helpful no matter where your father lives.
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toomuch4me Aug 3, 2019
Thanks and Ive read great things about Hospice.
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Friend, my Grandad died of that, & yes it is over for him. Please don't encourage him to eat, cuz it may be painful to do so. An oncologist would be best to review all tests & determine dad's time left, & the type of comfort care that's appropriate. God bless dad & ur family.
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toomuch4me Aug 3, 2019
I completely agree with all of you in regards to eating yet our Home Health Aide keeps coming to the hospital trying to force him to eat. She repeatedly says I forced him to eat as if its a triumph.
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If this is gastric cancer it is pretty much a death sentence and you do NOT want to prolong this. Ask now for palliative care and in institution hospice. If he does not wish to eat please do not make him. That will only prolong his torture. Do not allow treatment because that will be a torment as well in this nurse's opinion. You need to ask to Hospice now, it is very unlikely he will make it for 6 months. I am so exceptionally sorry for this, but this is something he needs to be medicated below the level of feeling it. Prolonging life is not the question now. It is prolonged torment to do so. Ask that palliative care begin at once. Unless you wish to do hospice at home I would try to have him placed. So very sorry.
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Tiger55 Aug 2, 2019
So True, AlvaDeer.
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