My Mom doesn't socialize unless I'm there with her. I don't understand it? It's a beautiful day here today and I suggested that she take a walk out on the sidewalk and socialize with the neighbors (I'm at work). Nope, gonna sit at home alone, watching Billy Grahm & baseball. Then as soon as I get home from work she'll want to go out to get out of the house. Anyone have any ideas on how I can motivate her to socialize while I'm at work? I work full time with commute is 8.5 hrs, then it's 2 or 3 hrs taking her out of the house, get home 9:30pm, then 1 hr with the pets. I'm in my mid 50's and the schedule is so so full. She is also resistant to the Senior Center and the Adult Day Care. Oh, we also had paid caregivers for a while, and we were robbed 3 times during the months Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb. Siblings and extended family don't care.
Perhaps giving adult day care another try may help. Let them know her patterns and tough out the first days when she'll complain and try to make you feel guilty. You may have better luck if you tell here that this is her only option because you can't spend your evenings taking her out. Then stick with it. If she figures out that she can't get you to comply with her demands, she may make friends at ADC.
Good luck with this. You must take care of yourself so it's important that you find some solution. Please keep us posted and watch for insight from other forum members. We've all had different experiences.
Everyone is important. When my father was sick with cancer, my mother had to wash, bathe and change him and also change the bags that were hooked up to his kidneys. Not a pretty task for a 75 year old woman seeing her childhood boyfriend/husband now dying right before her eyes. We literally thought my mom would die before my dad because she was withering away. They tried to refuse hospice help - but eventually, came to their senses.
It is a very hard task to be a caregiver, emotionally and physically. Be GOOD to yourself while caring for others. Fill up that love tank!
And here's the thing. Like you - you work all day, but I'm the opposite. I work from home and I only work until 2pm. FREE TIME. So, she waits for me or calls me up and says, "What are you doing?" It's 9am. "Working." So if I'm home, that's not "real work" to her.
She is very lonely. I wish I could give you good advice, but the one thing I can say is this: bring people over to the house. Force people into her life. This is what I'm doing and I've been seeing her enjoy the company and laughing. Make sure you tell the people the dilemma so they are extra sensitive to the situation. So far, she has gotten along really well with my in-laws who are only 10 years younger than her. I invite them over for BBQs and outings - so she is really happy with that. But then - it all falls on me.
Very frustrating. If you can't bring her to them, bring them to her!
Good luck! I'm in the same boat!
Not everyone is the life and soul of the /party Not everyone is a social butterfly. Not everyone want to do the things that others believe are 'good for them'
It is recognised that we are all different. This is known as the psychology of individual differences. You need to accept your mother's choices whether you like or agree with them or not.
While it is permissible for you to make gentle suggestions to your mother about activities, you should not preach to her, or cajole her in a forceful way. She needs your love, your kindness, you attention, but not your determination to change her outlook.
She has chosen what she wants or does not want to do and her choices have to be respected in respectful ways.
Mothers do not live forever, and their autumnal years must not be filled with arguments, conflicts, or any kind of behaviour from others that are determined to change her from their chosen courses.
Let her age in peace, and if that mean in isolation, then let her choice be honoured.
The day will come when each of us will be in her situation. Having spent a lifetime at the beck and call of others [ask a mother!], why not choose to sit alone and watch TV or listen to music, or knit, or read, or, if that's what you want, to do nothing?
I would be happier if the lady that 'checks up' on her 91 year old mother had said 'we visit her.'
By the time I am 91, I will have done all the whizzing round in a whirl that I will ever have wanted to do, so, if you see me then, recognise that I am the way I am because I choose to be that way and for some excellent, and sane, reasons.
If there are mental problems that make elderly parents make unsound choices, then no amount of argument will change them. You have to know when you are licked!
The "Cared For" are always more important than the Care Givers."
You might have to change your perspective to see this, and to practice it, but if that's what it will take to get you on the same side as your aged parent, then so be it. Whatever happens, never become their enemy.
Relax, chill out, be kind, tolerant, and gentle.
I would leave the room and read a book in my bedroom or sit on the porch with a cup of coffee. She was a narcissistic old woman---cranky selfish OLD people were once cranky selfish YOUNG people. Unplug. Expect nothing but more misery. She died last year. I am glad she is dead. She stole 17 years of my life I will never get back and there wasn't one happy day or thank you in the lot.
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