My mom has lost two cousins and two friends this past year. We found out about the latest one two days ago and I told my mom and she's been depressed about it. Should I not tell her these things if I find out before her? I feel bad for her. She's 85 and all her friends and cousins are dying and she wonders why she's still here.

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My mom is 97 and gets depressed about all that she has lost. Looking at old pictures only makes her sad and talking about her great great grandchildren stirs up memories of her deceased daughter. I focus on the present and encourage her to work on her daily hygiene, simple pleasures of TV and what’s for dessert. If she forgets and asks about her brother (long deceased) I say “That I have talked to his daughter, she doing well”. She doesn’t pursue it further.
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Next time I think I probably won't tell her. A cousin of ours died a couple of months ago and her daughter died a month before she did and they didn't tell her that her daughter died. They didn't want to upset her.
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In my opinion, if she doesn't NEED to know, then don't tell her.  My husband lost his brother to cancer several years ago and family decided not to tell his Mother - it would've broken her heart.  I honestly think they made the right decision.
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faeriefiles Mar 2019
I agree, "need to know" is a valuable tool in deciding.
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