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My 85 year old mom has been here 17 months. She has neuropathy which affects her blood pressure upon sitting/standing which causes dizziness and also can result in passing out. It is imperative that she stays hydrated but she refuses to drink. She is also on Coumadin which complicates her fall risk. She has been hospitalized twice since being here. Once because she fell out of her chair lift because she was refusing to put the seat belt on ("I don't need that") she broke her hip and left shoulder as a result of this fall. While there, she was diagnosed with another UTI and dehydration. About a month ago I found her unconscious (I thought she was dead) and called the ambulance and again she was dehydrated and had the stupid UTI back (she had just been treated for that a month prior).

She knows (and has been told by Drs.) that it is imperative that she drink. That upon standing she is supposed to do a 15 count her head before moving to walk (she doesn't do that either). I've tried putting a measuring cup out on the counter with water in it so she can self monitor. That worked for about 4 days after she was out of the hospital. When I say, "mom... you are not drinking enough", she says, "yes I am, I'm drinking in my room (bottled water), what do you think I am stupid"?!

Well, yesterday, she had another passing out spell... she hit the deck in the kitchen, she gave her head a good bang and had a cut on her forehead - nothing broken (thank God). But living with the constant anticipation 24/7 of whether or not she is going to really hurt herself is starting to get to me. Especially since she refuses to do what she is supposed to do. I'm at my wits end! How do you deal with a bullhead???

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I agree, next time she won't drink, tell her in no uncertain terms that if she can't take care of herself, that you aren't able to do so either. Tell her next time she is hospitalized or taken by ambulance that she will have to move into more skilled care.

In the meantime, get on the ball, research acceptable places and get her finances in order and understand places she can afford or may be subsidized.

Not fair to you or your family to have to worry about her falling and passing out.
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You could ask about IV fluids, but I don't know if the MD will agree to home infusion. Our mom is even more bullheaded (hard to believe, I know) because when she does get to the ER, she won't let them keep her for treatment.
Hospice interviewed mom and said "not yet". But the RN did suggest a MOLST form (medical orders for life sustaining treatment). Mom did not want IV's any feeding tubes or respirators.
What mom wanted was a DNR and "limited" transport or treatment. The MD has to sign the form too, after reviewing choices with the patient. Maybe you need to have that discussion.
Of course mom wanted to stay in her home too, but that was not an option. Given that her children are all 60+ and none could safely pick her up, she moved to Assisted Living.
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Your mom will listen to staff in the nursing home. "They" know what they're doing. (We're just those pesky annoying children!)

It's a bit like dealing with a teenager ; mom and dad know nothing, but the neighbor, the teacher or the minister may say the exact same thing and it's the best suggestion they've ever heard.

It's a conundrum, I know, we want to keep them safe and at home, but stubborness, or dementia or both makes an AL or nursing home a much healthier fit, at least in my mom's case.
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We just had to stand by and let Mother get the point where an ambulance needed to be called. She outlived my sister that was trying to care for her. So, a fall broke some ribs, the person giving her a bath was afraid she was having a heart attack and called 911. From there, we did not allow her to go home.

She has been in a nursing home for 2 years and it is great. She is clean, hair done, meals in the dining room and entertainment.

My one sister and I to stand back and let her adult grandson, make all of the arrangements. Now, if we visit for too long, she falls right back into the relying on us. But, the NH has saved her life. No one thought that she would live there, but she is.
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